Birthday Wishes

So I turned 35 on Christmas...35! I can't believe it. I realized that I didn't make a wish this year. I know its silly but I do every year. I guess I have just about everything I could wish for.

Memory

Tesfa amazes me with how much he remembers. I noticed this a few months ago. He wanted me to read a noisy pop up book to him 100 times a day and I got annoyed with it. He tore it up and that gave me the excuse to hide it. For a month or two he went to the book shelf everyday and pointed to the spot where it used to be.

He knows who people belong to. If I say Emily he says "Emmy Edri". He knows Paige and Astrid go together, the Ornsteins, he even says Sammy when I mention Mulukens birthday. I think that's pretty impressive because he doesn't see Sammy & Mulu often. He knows which cousins go with his Aunts & Uncles. That's pretty good, right? For 19 months old?

Imagination

The beloved Mrs. Buster and I headed to Cincinnati a few weeks ago. We were lucky enough to hear Melissa Fay Greene speak on her new book No biking in the house without a helmet. Her stories were funny and sad. One story in particular stood out to me. She spoke of her son Jesse and meeting him. She had been told by a doctor to find out if he has imaginative play. That would be a good sign of what his life had been like. When packing for her trip she tucked a small plastic rodent (maybe a hamster) that had on heels and a dress. She said that surely this toy would provoke anyones imagination.

When the moment arrived for her to meet Jesse she sat on the floor playing with him and got out this little rodent toy. Jesse grabbed a broom and beat the thing. She knew then that he didn't have much imagination-he hadn't had time for it. The story made me very sad. I believe he was around 5 years old and didn't know how to play. It's hard to comprehend.

I think of this story all the time. Tesfa will "play" a string, macaroni noodle, mommy's hair. Anything that he can pretend is a guitar. It is so fun to watch. He is so silly and comes up with things I would not think of. He wraps his "ya ya" (aka lovie) around his back and says "coke" meaning coat. Or he puts it on his head and says 'hat'. He talks to the Santa figures we have-he dances with them. The coffee table is really a piano in his eyes. A cup becomes a microphone. He feeds his animals and puts them down for naps.

Tesfa is so very creative and imaginative. I am so glad that he is able to have the time to be expressive. I can't imagine a child not having that opportunity.

My Tsehai

Well I changed the name. Not sure if enough people still follow for it to really matter but it is done. I choose My Tsehai because Tesfa is my sunshine. And I thought it would be fitting to have a name that would fit for more then one child incase Doodle ever has a brother or sister.

The first time I saw my hubby he was sitting in computer class talking to another student. They were both super cute. I said to myself I want one of them. A few months after Joel and I began dating I bought him a key chain that read, URMY :-) (There was a sun at the end of that in case you missed it). Joel was really confused and a little upset at first because the other guys last name was Urmey and he thought I got confused. Anyway kind of a funny story if you able to follow what I just rambled about.

Blog Name

I feel like I should change the name of my blog. Because, after all, we did not get a peanut-we got a Doodle. I have a couple of ideas for a name and think I'll change it soon. Odd that I referred to him as peanut the entire time we waited but as soon as I saw him I realized my error :-)

Ethiopian Orphan Relief

Tomorrow several of my closest friends leave for Ethiopia. They have been planning this trip for years. I am so glad to see the day finally arrive. For most of the people travelling this will be there second trip to Ethiopia. Most of the adoptive mothers have had their kiddos home for years-back when Ethiopia was a one trip country.

I'm pretty sure I will be completely and totally emotional while they are gone. They get to see the finished orphan care center at FOVC and put the finishing touches on it. They'll see the van that EOR just purchased for Lola. It just amazes me what EOR has accomplished.

Confession of an awful mom: Editing

I love the show Everybody Loves Raymond. I remember the episode where Robert & Amy finally get married. Everything goes wrong. And Rays toast is on editing. He basically said the photos won't show the craziness and fighting. The photos will show the happy moments. Isn't that true with most family photos/memories. No one takes a photo when you are a raging lunatic or in the middle of an argument. That's kinda how these photos go.

It might look like this was a lot of fun and in a few years maybe I'll forget that I wanted to pull my hair out. It's frustrating being a photographer and having your child be fussy and not sit still for our perfect family photo. Maybe (ok-probably) my expectations were too high when all 3 of us were having a crabby, fussy day . BUT STILL! I wanted a cute photo damn it!

At 18 months old

Tesfa is now able to say about 30 words. It's amazing that in one month he literally acquired a new word almost everyday. They are not always pronounced well but I get him. Yesterday his word was shadow. Today he saw a shadow on our shed and kissed it. Kinda icky but still cute. He is something else.

Right now we are having a rough phase. The first of his canine teeth are coming in-seems it takes 2 months or more for this one tooth. I haven't slept well at all but am trying not to stress about it too much since I know it will change soon. Today he was sobbing hysterically because he drooled on a toy so much that it stopped working. Tears, drool and snot just poured from him. I'm a little nervous about this weekend. We are supposed to go to the memorial service for Joels grandmother, but if T is sick he and I can't go.

Soapbox Savior

I just got into a rather heated facebook discussion with another ET adoptive mama. It makes me shake just thinking about it. Moral of the story was someone said Uganda is having ethical concerns and the poster was attacked (maybe too strong of a word) for questioning adoptions. The attacker went on to say how she had saved her son and that God had willed it. In her opinion only people with good experiences should share their stories. Really? It infuriates me so!

I am not a saint for adopting my son. Maybe God choose us for him but I'm not sure why we got so lucky. And for the life of me I can't figure out what that means for his birth family.

And why would you tell someone to ignore the bad experiences? Do people really think that God places the child in your family and that's that-don't worry yourself with ethics. Awesome-what could go wrong?

Sunday Snapshots

We were visiting family last weekend and took Tesfa to the farm. Tesfa got to play in a sandbox filled with dried corn (a brilliant idea), pet animals and take a hay ride. Best of all he got some quality time with his cousins.

Attachement thing?

So lately Tesfa has been around our family quite a bit. He and I went to my parents house last weekend so Joel could get some painting and stuff done. We saw my brother and his family, my parents and two different close friends. Tesfa seemed very comfortable. He still came to me when he fell or got sad. I feel like our attachement is very solid. Really I've questioned it very little since he has been home. He began looking to us to see if someone was 'ok' pretty quickly after coming home. Which is why it seems a little silly to question his attachement. The other day at the park he took someone's hand and let her pick him up. She asked if it was ok first (she had a son the same age as Tesfa and he was adopted as well). I didn't think too much of it. Then this morning he grabbed a womans hand when we were walking and tried to get her to stay and play. At the library today he tried to get someone to help him get a toy (when I told him no).

I'm leaning towards thinking it's nothing. I feel like he knows that he is around people that are safe when he is with my husband or I (which is always). We are heading to Joels parents house this weekend for a visit. He was really excited to see his "PaPa" the other day and I think he'll do well. He used to be much more hesitant around people but seems to have relaxed quite a bit. So is he just more confident or is it an attachment thing?

Doodle Day

For Tesfa's one year anniversary home we headed to the beach. He did really well until about 6p.m. when all we could find to eat was a Perkin's. As soon as we sat him down he screamed and we both had a little fit. So we got his food to go before we even orderd for ourselves. He ate his pizza in the car and we headed to the hotel. I had tried to plan so well. I found a hotel about 7 hours away and made sure it had an indoor pool. One thing I didn't check was to see if the pool was heated...it was not. So we got in a very chilly pool and tried to make the best of it. Tesfa was not very thrilled until he and I sat on the edge of the pool and I began kicking and splashing his daddy. He joined in and laughed so loud.

The next morning we set off to get to our destination. We couldn't find a grocery store and by the time we did it was time for lunch. So we arrived a couple hours later than expected. Now mind you this is our first trip with a Doodle. So overall I can't complain. It could have been ugly-very ugly spending that much time in the car on Tesfa Day. Luckily once we arrived things went much better. It rained the first few days so we (The Ornsteins and Harcars) headed to Kids City and to an aquarium. The next day it was nice and we went to a small beach. Day four it was gorgeous and we headed to the ocean. It was cool and we didn't really get in the water but Tesfa loved it. He and Ben played in the sand, chased bubbles and and ran after sea gulls.

The last night in CT. we stayed with some friends I hadn't seen in almost two years. There son, Connor, is really quite the musician so we were sure he and Tesfa would be a good fit.

99 1/2 Years

We found out today that Joel's grandmother passed away. She was 99.5 years old. Isn't that amazing? When we found out about Tesfa we sent her a photo of him. A few weeks later when we visited her she had his photo proudly displayed and said, "I'm really start to love that little guy". We took her photo with his picture-not knowing if they would ever meet.

A few weeks after coming home we headed up to see her. This is my favorite photo from that visit. We saw her just a few weeks ago and Tesfa smiled and showed off for her. I'm so glad she got to meet him and see him over his first year home. I'm so glad that she was in Joels life for so long. And I'm so glad I got to have her in my life.

Jabber, Jabber, Word

We have reached the point where Tesfa is trying to repeat almost everything you say. He went to a baseball game with daddy earlier this week and came home telling me, b ball, bay ball, b ball. Super cute. There is a particular page in a book that Tesfa loves because it has a clown fish on it. He calls it Nemo and kisses it all the time (he's a little obsessed with Nemo). But the book also has the ocean as the background for the clownfish. Tesfa looked at the coral the other day and said "cora" or something like it. So maybe Nemo isn't so bad? He also has a pool that looks like a hippo. So he runs around saying 'hibo'. I am just amazed at how quickly he is picking all this up. He also says 'boo boo' a lot lately. Not surprising since I'll have a bandage on my elbow until he's 12.

So here is his current list of words (of course they are toddler speak and not always pronounced well-but mommy gets him).
Mama, Dada, dog, star, door, car, wow, bubble, coral, hippo, boo boo, skunk (kunk) and doctor. There are probably a few more that I am forgetting.

He also does a nice selection of animal noises and can identify at least 3 colors. Yesterday he woke up and starting open and closing his hand to signify pinching-he wanted a picture of a crab. Is he a genius? I think yes.

And in case you are wondering, no he hasn't said a bad word yet. However we are seeing my family this weekend so anything is possible. When I have been "upset" lately I say Awesome (in a snotty grouchy tone). I figure it would be better to hear Tesfa say that then my usual list of colorful words.

Be Classy

If you haven't already done so please take a minute and VOTE for EOR.

the things we do for love (slightly icky)

Well as most of you know last week was pretty rough. Now-it could have been much worse-but it could have been much better.

On Friday I went to get a permit for a garage sale and while leaving the building tripped over uneven sidewalk. I play it back in slow motion and keep picturing myself trying to get my footing with no luck. So there I was holding my 16 month old son and hurdling to the ground. All I could think in the few seconds it took was "just don't drop him". So as we lay on the ground crying I looked him over. I didn't see anything except the terror on his face. He kept hugging and kissing me-unsure of what had just happened.

After making my way into the building and getting my elbow patched up I got him in the car. He saw blood on his foot and started carrying on "dugga dugga dugga" and pointing to his injury. He got no sympathy since in fact it wasn't his blood. But it was pretty funny to hear him carry on.

I was so shaken when I got home-actually I was hysterical. I text Joel and told him what happened. When he got home I set off for urgent care. I felt really stupid and wasn't sure if I was over reacting or not, but my ribs were really hurting at this point and I thought I would need stitches in my elbow. Well I got no stitches but had 2 xrays taken. Seriously! Over a fall on the sidewalk! I was told my ribs were bruised and possibly fractured or broken. I had to go back to the dr today because the wounds on my arms were starting to get infected and were really hurting.

Besides being really upset thinking about what could have happened to Tesfa I am also really upset about the response I got from the city official (the one who gave me the bandages in the first place). She asked if I had any witnesses. REALLY? Uh yeah a 16 month old witness. I mean did she think I was making this crap up? I had been in the building and wasn't bleeding and crying and returned a few minutes later dripping blood and trying to keep from being a total mess.

I need your help

If you haven't already please, please, please vote for EOR.

Hot Head & Hypocrisy

Hello my name is Amy and I am a hot head. I get very worked up and sometimes go into an irate ramble. I am most often certain that I am right but try to at least consider another point of view (sometimes after the smoke stops rolling from my ears). What is todays hot topic-News media and Conservatives and well I could go on for quite some time.

But I just don't get IT. How can so many (not all) conservatives talk about Christian values (no gay marriage) but then turn around and ask "Who Cares" when it comes to starving children in other parts of the world. These same people have the nerve to complain about Africans having too many children. Would these conservative values allow a woman the right to birth control, family planning and Heaven forbid the right to choose?

When they go to church what is it that they pray for?

There are three articles in particular that have brought on todays anger. One on a married lesbian couple saving children in Norway(and for the most part their efforts ignored by the media), a black 4 year old little boy was intentionally misquoted saying "When I grow up I'll have a gun" they left out the part where he said because he'll be a police officer, and then an article on the growing crisis in east Africa.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/abc-claims-only-american-reporter-covering-famine-violence-180423280.html

http://talkaboutequality.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/if-a-married-lesbian-couple-saves-40-teens-from-the-norway-massacre-and-no-one-writes-about-it-did-it-really-happen/

Bottles & Babies

Well it appears that my son is not a baby anymore. When did that happen and why didn't anyone tell me it would happen so fast (ok you did tell me-it just took awhile to sink in)? Tonight he is going to bed without a bottle. Lately it has taken him two or three nights to finish a 4oz bottle. So tonight we decided it might be time to forego this step of the bedtime routine. He hasn't had a daytime bottle in over a month-except once when he was sick. Pretty sure all the bottles will be packed up by the end of the week. I also put away his baby spoons and bought toddler spoons. Part of me is so excited to see what comes next and the other part would like to push "pause" for awhile (well except for the teething part-that could go in fast forward).

Classy Award: Ethiopian Orphan Relief

Ethiopian Orphan Relief has the chance to win $15,000 with the Stay Classy Awards. All we need are votes. It's easy and only takes a minute. Please click on the link or copy and paste it into your browser. EOR is under the Most Innovative Use of Social Media by a Charity.

http://www.stayclassy.org/classy-awards/voting

Thanks for your help. And please feel free to spread the word.

Amy

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

Took this yesterday while T was having a snack. I got this doll and one more off of Lynda Stanley about 3 years ago? She has been awesome enough to donate Dead of Winter and will donate again this year for our fundraiser.

adollsheart.blogspot.com

Seeing his face

It's been a year since we traveled to Ethiopia. Can you believe it? One year ago we were waiting to meet our beautiful little boy. I wore a blue shirt-the same shirt that I had on in the photo I sent him. I put coco butter thinking maybe he'd recognize the scent the next day and then when we returned to Ethiopia to bring him home. When we walked in the room we knew right away who he was. It's hard to mistake a baby with a mohawk.

His lack of expression and emotion concerned me. He didn't seem as responsive as the other babies. I thought we were going to be in for a rough start. I let him just take it all in for a few minutes before picking him up. I changed him into an outfit I had bought for him. Joel blew a raspberry on his cheek and I told him he was going to scare the baby-instead Tesfa let out the first little smile. He seemed to be drawn to his daddy from the very start.

The next day we went back to the care center. I dressed him and changed his diaper. It was a good way to check and make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. I had a friend from our travel group give him a once over-she is a nurse. We watched him chug a cup of formula and were able to hold him a while longer. But after what seemed like just a few minutes Tsion, our social worker walked in, my heart races now just thinking about it. Before she could say anything I turned around, holding tightly on to this little boy hoping I would be his mommy, and started crying. It was time to go. I truly think it was the hardest moment of my life. Court was the following day and we wouldn't be able to see him until our next trip to Ethiopia. His lip started to quiver when I sat him down and I was certain that if he started crying someone would have to physically remove me from the room, but instead he gave his daddy and I a little smile.

The next day was quite a blur-literally since I woke up with a lacerated cornea. Physically I think it is the most pain I have ever endured, but had to pull myself together to get to court. I wasn't able to see court house or the judge but did answer a few questions. And after that we were officially his. Sadly there was no celebrating-we were plucked out of the court house and whisked off to an emergency eye clinic. As sad as I am about missing out on so much the first trip do to my injury I am so glad that I was able to meet my boy and officially be His Mama.

Separation Anxiety

I know it is very typical of separation anxiety to kick in around 12-18 months and I think it's safe to say we are there. This is probably made worse by the fact that T hasn't been feeling the best (stupid teeth). Lately he fusses if I leave the room. He wants me with him all the time. Last night Joel and I went out. We left T with my parents and he wasn't happy. I thought for sure he'd calm down after 5 minutes but not so much. I had sent a text to my dad about 30 minutes after leaving and was told "he fussy-but he's ok". So I didn't worry to much.

Then found out this morning (we saw Harry Potter and got home at 1a.m.-we're wild) that he fussed so much he threw up. Ok don't judge me! I've been away from him only a handful of times and he's been home 10 months. Ok fine judge me. Now he does have a runny nose and he has been known to throw up when he has a runny nose so I'm not overly surprised. Was it a bad idea to leave when he was under the weather? Uh yeah probably. BUT we had purchased the tickets several days in advance and really my parents are the only ones we have to watch him. So it seemed like a now or never kinda thing.

This morning he only wanted me-not even daddy was good enough-which is hard to believe. He seemed fine today. Hopefully there are no long lasting scars from this.

* and Harry was really good.

Tesfa preparing for the EOR art contest

His Story

So I have been trying to tell Tesfa his story. I know he doesn't understand it yet but I want to make sure I have it together before he does understand. We look at pictures of his BM all the time-he kisses her picture-I love that. But how do I tell him his story without making it sound like a fairy tale and making us look like some heroic figure? Do I say we wanted you and flew to Ethiopia to bring you to your forever home? Where does that leave his bm in the details. I'd love to hear what others do-without giving away your private details.

Cynical Rant

We received word this week that Mussie orphanage lost its license. Why does this bother me so? Well any orphanage having to close down is not a good sign, but it is especially troublesome when 2 or 3 of the "ethical" agencies have children at said orphanage. CHSFS and Holt both had children in that orphanage. And my son was there for a short while. Now I do have to say that I don't question his story. I met a member of his birthfamily, I have the life book and all the paperwork adds up ( I know it is more complicated than that but it is a good start). But what the hell! This in't supposed to happen to those agencies-you know "the good ones" . So if the good orphanages are facing closure (do to some good reason-not exactly sure yet) then what are all the unethical agencies doing?

I feel as though I have reached that period where I am becoming (or have become) that hypocritical cynical AP that PAP's dislike or at least in my case question. It's easy to say shut it down when you have your child home...ok not easy...actually it sucks and breaks my heart but still easier than when I was waiting-but at what point is enough enough? How many more cases do their need to be? I know what this means for the kids that actually need homes. I hate the thought of a child growing up in an orphanage or on the streets, but it crushes my soul to think that people lie to birth families, exchange money or do a number of others things that are simply not ok.


*Just to clarify CHSFS nor Holt are shutting down it is one of the orphanages they work with.

Set Back

Tesfa hasn't been feeling well the last few days. I'm pretty sure it is just teething but he has been worn out and had a fever. Today, however, he is doing much better. No fever and less fussy. the problem is that while he was sick I slept with him at nap time- in our bed or on the couch-and now I feel like we are back to September/October when he screamed for naps. He is having a raging fit at the moment and I feel awful. I know he would be asleep right now if I layed down with him and really I don't mind doing it except that he wakes the second I move or get up. I should have known better and well I did. I thought about it while I was holding him during his naps but I just didn't care since he was sick.

With everything else going on right now this is a little more than I can handle.

Amharic 101

We have a make up class tonight and then another on Saturday before the first session ends. It is very challenging-Amharic is not an easy language to learn. I woke up this morning dreaming about the quiz I had forgot to finish. In my dream I knew the answers--not sure if that translated to my waking hours. I hope to continue with the classes although the day and time are difficult, especially in the summer. Regardless I'll continue to work on learning the fidel and basic conversation in hopes of one day returning to Ethiopia.

Perspective

About 10 years ago I started working with inner city kids in an afterschool program. I learned a lot from working there. It was hard but sometimes I miss it. The first year I was with the program we were decorating for July 4th-making flags- and talking about the holiday. Then a little girl, Diane (7 years old) asked me a question that hit me over the head like a ton of bricks and changed my perspective. As she sat coloring a picture of an American flag she looked at me and said, "Ms. Amy didn't white people own black people then?". She reminded me that the freedom we were celebrating wasn't offered to all.

Break time

I thought I was really well prepared for parenting. Afterall I worked in a daycare for 2 years. I changed 1,000's of diapers, wiped lots of noses and helped make boo boo's go away. So I find myself wondering why I'm struggling now. There is nothing that can prepare you for parenthood-nothing. Waking up every day to this beautiful little boy is a blessing, but it is exhausting. At first I had the basic struggles I imagine all parents have: how do I manage to go to the grocery store, why does it take me 45 minutes to go pick up a pizza and will I ever again eat a hot meal. Now the grocery store is manageable but not easy, I order delivery pizza most the time and no I will probably not eat a hot meal again.

But why lately does this seem so difficult? Tesfa is a great kid-truly. He is funny and smart and on target developmentally. It is hard because for 9 months I have never been away from him for more than a few hours. I mean when else do you spend every single day (12 + hours) with one person for months on end? Never!

Today he went to the Museum of Art with his daddy and I stayed home. I've had 2 hours to myself. The house is no longer completely embarassingly dirty (just the normal amount of dirty). I feel a little guilty complaining when in reality I have it pretty good. My husband is an awesome father but it bugs me when I think about the fact that he has never HAD to take Tesfa anywhere. He's never had a screaming kid in the store, had to feed him snacks while doing the grocery shopping or been screamed at for an entire day (at least not by the baby). Being a mama is hard work. I wouldn't change it for the world but a day off now and then should be mandatory.

Challenges

Sleep patterns are changing. What's the deal? He goes to bed around 8-8:30 and is getting up at 6. Ok not that bad I know. But he is so freaking tired and hour after he gets up. His morning nap was gone for about 2 weeka-because he didn't need it. Now his morning nap is earlier than before. He woke up from his afternoon nap in a complete panic. He was so tired he couldnt even open his eyes. You might think he was having an attachement issue or a bad dream or really just wanted his mama, right? NOPE. The first thing he wants whenever he wakes up is to be read to. Is that odd? I mean really he's screaming and panicked but doens't want cuddled-just read to. I really don't think it is an "attachment thing".

Also if that boy kicks me one more time while I'm changing his diaper my head will spin! I've changed 1,000's of diapers (truly) and I know kids do this but it is getting the best of me.

Work?

Today is one of those days where you think, Why didn't I go back to work? I feel like a padded room and little white jacket are in order. Lately Tesfa's naps have been shorter than normal and he is waking up earlier. Still a great improvement from months prior but I had gotten used to him waking up at 7:30am and enjoyed it greatly. He is also in this phase where he grabs my hand and takes me to whatever he wants me to see. I love this--most days-just not today.

The little girl I watch a couple days a week has been so extremely fussy today I don't even know what to do. My usual "tricks" are not working. She is about to get a new tooth and I am sure that is a big part of it. Trying so hard to be patient but completely losing my battle. Sigh.

I'm not sure who needs the soothing lullaby music more today me or the kids.

Where we are

Tesfa is doing remarkably well. Overall, despite his food and sleep issues, I feel like his/my transition was fairly simple (easy to say that now). He has been home for 9 months-can you believe it?

He jabbers all the time.
He says: Mama, Dada, Dog (when encouraged).
He signs more very well---and often
Walks like a pro and is starting to do stairs (gasp)
He eats like a horse. I am so scared for his teenage years.
He has six teeth.
My favorite new thing is that he grabs my hand and pulls me to whatever it is he wants to show me. Last week it was a boo-boo on the wall that he made me look at 100 times.
And his dance moves continue to improve and impress.
He knows his: head/hair, nose, eyes, elbow, knees, teeth, tongue, toes, ears and eyes.
He kisses the animals in his books and if we're lucky daddy and I get a few kisses too.

Our Friday went something like this...

It's been a year.

Can you believe it has been a year since we first saw this sweet face?

So I'm watching Oprah. I won't lie I have always liked her show. I watched her when I was a kid and still watch her when I can (which is rare).

Twenty three years ago she had a panel of white supremesists on. I saw that episode, I was 11 years old. Oprah had decided that she would not allow her show to be a platform for hatred again so I was a little surprised that two of those men appeared on her show again today.

They had come to their senses and realized they were wrong for preaching and feeling such hatred. One of the men had changed his mind after he recruited a group of white supremecists who ended up killing an Ethiopian man in Portland, OR. It really struck me-for obvious reasons but especially for me to see it today. Right now EOR is working it's magic in Portland to improve the lives of children in Ethiopia. I'm not really sure where I"m going with this but the contrast struck me.

Mother's Day

Mother's day was much different this year. No sobbing hysterically. No pretending the day didn't exist. We woke up at 8:30 a.m. to a dancing doodle. You can always tell when he has gotten enough sleep because he wakes up so happy. I was informed the day before that there would be no pancakes for breakfast- generally this is mandatory on weekends. I had a piece of cold pizza which the boy immediately saw and insisted on eating. I was glad in the long run. Joel took me to the Fawcett Center on campus for brunch. It was nice not to have to wait in line or wait on food to arrive. It nearly turned into a party of 5 when two servers started gushing over T and it seemed like they weren't going to leave. We came home and took a nap. Then spent the afternoon walking around outside of the FPC and feeding the ducks. It was a pretty perfect day.

Saturday

Birthmother's day is on Saturday. Oh how I wish I could send her a card and some flowers. I wish I could tell her that Tesfa is amazing and that we love him so much. I wish she could see him dance and laugh. I wish our family photo wasn't missing someone. I wish I could make sure that she was ok. But I can't.

The only way I could think of to honor her is to donate to a charity that does all it can to help the people of Ethiopia. So in addition to my monthly donation to EOR I just sent a little extra in her honor.

For some reason I can't get the link feature to work (again) if you want to donate go to: ethiopianorphanrelief.org You can also click on the photo in my sidebar of the two little girls and it will take you to EOR's website.

Another Milestone

Tesfa has gotten himself to sleep 3 times today. More importantly he hit another major milestone. He pulled his first item out of the dishwasher (that was left open to dry). Luckily it was just a steak knife and nothing dangerous.

Hair today...Gone tomorrow....or next month...or next year??

The great debate at the moment is when to cut Tesfa's hair. His hair is long-around 6 inches on top. It is getting so think-you don't notice it until you are washing it but it's thick. So do we cut it? My hope was that with hat weather on its way out I could keep it long and his curls would keep their shape. But after his nap they are slightly less cute and after bed they seem a little frizzy. Maybe it's time to call the experts (aka: Ali) and have a hair intervention.

I went to pick up some take out tonight and stopped into the hair salon next door to the restuarant. It appeared to be black owned and operated. When I walk in everyone turned and looked with a .....curious face (I didn't have doodle with me). They do take young kids. Sooooo maybe?

My biggest concern with cutting it is that he just won't look like a baby anymore. I just can't believe he is such a big boy already.

Melkam Fasika!

Tesfa did great today. He woke up in the best mood and was running from one end of his crib to the other while dancing. He sorta noticed his Easter baskets and found an egg. He was pretty content with just one.

We went to church this morning and part of the service was a special performance. When the dancers/music were going so was Tesfa. He squealed and danced and loved it. He stole their thunder just a little. Considering he would normally be napping I was quite proud. I had the table cloth we got at the Alert Hospital and the mini Mesob Joel bought before we left Ethiopia the first time. I had made Ethiopian food and I thought it turned out really good. Not quite Tiru's but I'll take it. T ate a banana :-( Doesn't he know I made this especially for him?

I thought about his birthfamily a lot. What were they eating today? Were they thinking of him? How were they?

His nap wasn't good which surprised me since he missed his morning nap. Damn teething! There was a little melt down at dinner but other then that he was a champ. Have I mentioned how much I love him?

Holiday Hoopla

So I was thinking about the holidays today. My dear friend Em thinks I'm funny for making such a big deal out of even the littlest holidays. I came to the conclusion that there are 2 reasons why I do this. The first is simple-I worked with kids for nearly 10 years and we always made some sort of holiday decor. The second is a little more complicated-my family.

Our family gatherings as a child took place at my grandparents place. I was blessed to have a grandmother who was so incredible. That is where the happy story ends. My brother, cousins and I would pretty much hide out in a bedroom and avoid the rest of the family. Why? Conflict! It wasnt a family holiday unless someone was screaming about something and someone else (usually my mom) was crying. My grandfather wasn't the nicest guy ever. He wasn't a monster but I don't look back and think wow what a fantastic grandfather I had. He would fight over shit that happened 30 years ago. He wasn't a fan of my father and didn't treat my mother (his daughter) a whole lot better. My grandmother wouldn't stand for his insults and would stand up for whatever family member he decided to start a fight with. My favorite memory (sad but true) is of my grandmother screaming at my grandfather. He had made my brother who was probably 8 at the time cry over something so incredibly stupid. What was it? My grandfather had asked for a small piece of cake and when my brother cut it for him apparently it was too small and my grandpa thought my brother was being selfish. Seriously!

I could go on for days with examples like this but who wants to read about that. The moral of my sad little story? I just don't want my son to ever look back and think of his family like this. I want him to remember mom putting him in silly outfits and making a bigger deal then she should of a holiday. It certainly seems like a much better way to remember your childhood.

Now tomorrow will be fairly simple. Church in the a.m. (yes really). I'm making doro wat and ET cabbage and carrots for lunch. We'll use the mesob/basket and tablecloth we got while in Ethiopia. And for dinner tomorrow we are going to my neighbors church. They are having a big traditional Easter dinner. Maybe we'll even hide a few Easter eggs-although Tesfa won't know to look for them :-)

Tomorrow is Fasika and I'll be thinking of Tesfa's family in Ethiopia. I hope that they find strength to get through, what I imagine will be, a very hard day for them.

Adoption Rocks-for some

I've been trying to read more blogs and articles that talk about adoption from the perspective of the birthmother and from adopt adoptees. I know T is only one but I really wonder how he will view his adoption? Will any future siblings view their adoptions differently? I've seen these really cute shirts that say, Adoption Rocks and after thinking about the questions T will have one day I came to the conclusion that they should sell that shirt with a small version that says, Adoption Sucks. Because it does suck that T won't know his Ethiopian family, it sucks that he is an american but that is not his history, it sucks that he may feel stuck between two countries.

I hope that I am smart enough, loving enough and open enough to listen to what he has to say when he is ready to talk about his adoption. I hope that if he chooses to go to ET and/or to look for his birth family that I will be there by his side.

I often find myself thinking what if she wanted him back? How long before that feeling goes away?

This month seems to be the hardest one for me because Fasika is just over a week away and I can't help but wonder how his BM is going to handle that day. (T was born on Fasika last year)

Handmade Hope

100% of the proceeds will be donated to charity. This quarter Ethiopian Orphan Relief has been selected to be on the receiving end of their amazing generosity. I've started buying things for T's Easter basket.




etsy.com/people/handmadehopeshop (for some reason the blog isn't letting make it a link---sorry)

I said Doctor!

So we saw the Dr. today for T's 12 month visit. He did well. He is 23 lbs on the dot and 30 inches long. He needs to start saying some words but other then that seems to be on target. I really thought I heard him say "bye-bye" and "nana" (banana) yesterday but I'm not 100% certain.

I was glad to see our regular pediatrican wasn't in today for some reason. So we saw another dr. We've seen her before and I really like her. She is sweet and doesn't make me feel like a bad mama. I've decided to catch up his vaccinations starting soon (he hasn't had any for the last 6 months). I just didn't like the idea of giving an 11 lbs baby so many shots. So we'll go next week and start catching up.

Tesfa is 1

Today my boy turns 1. It is hard to believe. I love him so much and am so blessed to be the mama who gets to be on the receiving end of sloppy kisses and even the crying fits.

Confession of an awful mom

Today I messed up something awful. I am only sharing this because I hope no one will ever be as stupid as I was today.

I went to BabiesRus to get a car seat for the little girl I take care of M,T,W. Tesfa and I found the seat right away and wondered around the store for a few minutes. When we got to the car I realized the car seat won't fit in the trunk, T is in the cart and the wind is blowing fiercely. The cart starts to roll away (just a few inches) before I grab it. I put Tesfa in the car to keep him from rolling away into the park lot. I take the car seat out of the box and toss it into the back seat. I break the box down and throw it into the trunk. And we are on our merry way. I call Joel and he can't talk because he is on the other line (Thank God). I turn and look back and am horrified to realize I did NOT strap Tesfa in. I was so worried about him blowing away and thought that I would not forget to go back and strap him in after I had gotten the car seat in the car.

I had just made it out of the parking lot and stopped at a red light when I realized what I had done. I put the car in park and turned my hazards on, waived to the guy who is now stuck because of me and secured T into his car seat. I waived again to the guy behind me who smiled realizing my child need something. I got back into the car and was shaking. I am upset and teary now thinking about how awful this could have been.

It was so stupid and I would have judged the hell out of a mom who told me she had done something like this.

Leaving our comfort zone

The last few months/weeks have been eye opening. I attended a discussion lead by authors Kevin Hoffman & Rhonda Roorda both of them were adopted transracially. I recently finished Kevin's Book, Growing Up Black in White. And today I finished a book, Beyond Good Intentions. It was written by Cheri Register who also wrote Are Those Your Kids. Listening to Kevin & Rhonda speak and reading these two books helped me realize more and more that I need to break out of my comfort zone. Being friends with other adoptive parents is going to be "enough".

I've been debating about emailing a fellow photographer (who is black). She is amazing and we have shared business ideas and help each other when needed. I didn't know what she would think about meeting up for lunch or a playdate. Is it weird to say, 'Can we please be friends outside of work stuff not just because I think you are cool, but because my son needs us to be friends'. Well I emailed her about getting together and I suspect she'll be happy to. I didn't tell her that I am hoping we can become lifelong friends so our kids can grow up together and help each other navigate through lifes hurdles-I'll wait and do that face to face.

We (and by we I mean I but my husband will go along with just about anything for our son's sake) have been considering church. We are hoping to find a diverse church to attend. I'm just not sure if I need to find an all or almost all black church or if a 50/50 mix is enough. I don't think I would feel uncomfortable either way. My concern with a diverse church is that we will wind up making friends with the white families by some sort of default. I've been to black churches for work-photographing weddings and even attended events for some of "my kids". I have alway felt very welcome. I'm not sure if that will be different now that I have a black son.

Happy & Sad

Yesterday we had our 6 month check up at the IAC. It went well. The Dr. was amazed at his growth chart and the P.T. was a little puzzled. I had answered a few questions on his assessment without understanding them and put the wrong thing. So he scored slightly below average on motor skills (all others he tested normal!!!!). The PT took us into her room with some toys and T wouldn't sit still. He immediately took a toy from a small basket (which is one of the thing I incorrectly said he doesn't do). She put him on the floor on his back and wanted him to sit up and he wouldn't because he doesn't do that yet. "So he doesn't sit up, but he can walk"? YEP! She said he clearly had not read any of her text books. She wanted to see him pointing to things and crawling on 4 point (he does an army crawl). So sure enough what does he do today? Both! Lately I am just beaming with pride for my little boy. He has come such a long way in such a short time.

My joy was short lived. When we got home I saw an email from our agency. It stated that families currently waiting in the ET program are encouraged to look at other programs. I got teary and looked and Tesfa and nearly lost it. We barely made it through before all these delays hit. I couldn't imagine waiting 2 years or more and being asked to switch programs. I was so thankful and felt/feel so selfish for being relived about T being home. I feel awful for the kids who will go without parents longer and I feel bad for waiting families. I don't know what the "right" thing is to do, but I am certain increased protections for the kids are a good thing. I also felt very sad that we may not be able to give T an Ethiopian brother or sister like we had hoped. We have debated about Et or domestic for adoption #2 but I feel as though that decision has been made for us.

Thursday Thoughts: Gushing

So I just have to say that I love him more and more all the time. He took his first steps on St. Patrick's day and thinks his pretty hot Sh*t. His favorite thing to do is walk (two or three steps) to the leap frog and then turn around and fall face first so that you catch him. It's very cute and funny and a little scary. Glad that he trusts me to catch him but hope he doesn't decide to try it when I am across the room one day. Yesterday I left him to play with out neighbors for a few minutes and came back over and he was so happy to see me, walked about 6 steps and gave me kisses.

He also decided to shake his head 'no' to all questions...want a million dollars?, does mommy love you?, are you a crazy baby? He lets out a smile and a little giggle while doing it just to make sure you know how cute he is.

I have become the mother that tells you all the AWESOME things her kid does (even when all the other kids are doing them as well), because somehow it is so much more incredible that my kid does it :-)

I am so proud of him. I can't believe his birthday is just over a week away. I can't wait to see his smiley face covered in cake.

Blog Diversity

Since we got home with T I haven't been keeping up on posting or reading blogs much but I am getting back into it now. I am trying to expand what I read so that I am not simply reading the perspective of the PAP or AP. I've added a few blogs from birthmothers and am looking for more from adult adoptees. Those two perspectives seem to be lacking from my blog roll, but they are the ones I want to read most right now.

Got a favorite blog from an adoptee or birth mom you'd like to share?

Big Baby

So I was giving Tesfa his bottle before laying him down for his nap and I felt so sad. He is switching over to milk now and will soon be done with bottles. I used to dread nap time but even then I liked giving him his bottle. I enjoy swaddling him and holding him and he enjoys it too. I've never really felt sad about the time we missed with Tesfa(until today)-partly because he was so young when he came home and partly because it seems selfish to grieve that time. The time I missed with him is nothing in comparison to the time his birthmother is missing. But there I was getting all teary thinking about handing him a sippy cup with meals and just laying him in his crib at nap time.

I know I don't have to stop the bottle the day he turns one but it still made me sad.

Diversity

I've been thinking a lot about diversity. A few months ago I had a conversation with a close friend about diversity. We both tried to make a point that the other didn't see to get. It went on for awhile. Eventually I said, "it depends on what you think is diverse".

I remember taking a class on Educational Policy my last quarter at OSU. There was a speaker that came in. I don't remember her name or why she was selected to speak to us. She was black probably mid to late twenties. I sat in this classroom with about 30 other students and I think all but one were white. Our discussion was based on the diversity of schools in Columbus. One student said that he was prepared for it because he went to OSU and OSU is Very Diverse. The woman said with a half laugh "OSU is very diverse-I've never heard that before". It was a lightbulb moment for me. Columbus seemed SOOOO diverse to me. I grew up in an area that was 99% white. So being at a school that had people from around the world seemed like diversity at its best. It never clicked with me that in all of my classes at OSU there were still only 1 maybe 2 black students in a room of 30 or more kids.

So what makes a city or school diverse? If you are white and you live in an area that you think is diverse ask yourself if you would still think it is diverse the racial make up were switched? I mean is an area that is 90% white diverse? It may seem so if you are white. But what if it were just the opposite? If 10% of people in your town/school were white would it still feel diverse?

It's a sign

Ok not really. I can't get this boy to sign no matter what I do. Any suggestions? I've been thinking about giving him yogurt or something he really loves after his lunch and only giving him one bite until he signs. Or at least trying to make him sign to get a bite. Is that cruel?

My Two Front Teeth

Tesfa first two teeth. One has been in for two weeks the other about a week. I finally got an ok snapshot of them.

Thursday Thoughts

So much is going on. Last night was the first official meeting of Enkutatash planning. It was a small group but we are far ahead of the game compared to last year. We are debating on some changes to the daily activities. Seleshi recommended doing a dance/party at the end of the day. I think it is a great idea. But we will need lots of volunteers.

Also, I received word that I am officially an EOR board member. I feel honored to apart of what I thought was a rather elite group ( but they must let anyone in :-) I feel compelled to give back whatever I can to Ethiopia and especially to the children who are there. The news of what is happening in ET just makes me want to work harder. While we were in Ethiopia all I could think was "Wow, we got a lot of work to do." I am realistic and don't expect to change the world but you have to start somewhere, right?

Maybe a mama's boy afterall

Tesfa has been so excited to Joel everyday when he comes home and for the most part really just wants to be with him when he is home. But recently he has been all about Mama. I'm not sure why the shift? Maybe because he hasn't been feeling well and I am the one that has been taking care of him (for the most part). Maybe it is because he realizes Joel is coming home everyday?

So now I find myself thinking maybe I have "spoiled" him. He barely lets me put him down lately. Not sure this is a good or bad thing.

Tesfa at 11 months: Strengths & Weakness

Strengths:

85% of the time he is a joy and I can't even stand how much I love him.

He now pushes a walker and can make it clear down the drive way and to the sidewalk with little help.

He gives kisses to me but mostly to daddy.

He blows kisses.

He does an army crawl.

He has decided that books are awesome.

He plays peek-a-boo.

He knows where is head and hair are.

His smile is awesome and even more complete with 1.5 teeth

He gives angry or "sexy" eyes depending on the person.

And most important his attachement-I feel like it is on track. He definetely favors mommy and daddy.

And the boy can eat and eat and eat. He is way to grown (in his opinion) for baby food.

Even sleep is greatly improved! Oh PLEASE God let it say that way.

Weakness

I can't get the boy to sign! Today it is making me nuts because he chooses to scream at me when he wants more. I try to wait and make him do the sign but he just screams more. Any suggestions?

He wants to walk all the time holding my hands (ok this is probably more of a strength). He is not walking, yet.

He does not point at things or communicate that he wants something (like food) except to yell.

His teething is bringing out my greatest weaknesses. Patience! Oh I'm trying I promise but I had no idea how much I was going to get yelled at or how hard it would be to listen to an consistant wine.

Tooth #2

I have had enough of teething! Seriously it is making my sweet little boy an unbearable mess. It has been two weeks. His first tooth came last week and I thought for sure the second tooth would be in within a day or two. It has been over a week and I am holding out hope that it breaks through today.

I had to take him to the pediatrician on Friday because I couldn't tell if he had another ear infection or if it was just the teething. Turns out it was the teething plus a cold. The amount of snot oozing from my boy is overwhelming some days. His ENT appt. was all messed up so we still haven't went. They had us on the wrong day and then the dr. was stuck in the dominican Republic after doing some aid work. Fine by me. I'm still hoping we can get through the next month with no ear ache and be out of the ear infection season.

I think we are un the upswing now. He is screaming and fussy quite a bit due to his teething and frustration about not walking yet. the boy cruises around like nobody's business. He pushes his leap frog toys to the kitchen where he scales the wall to the frig and then makes his way to the stove. Not sure how to handle this? He likes to look at his reflection in the stove but I don't think that is a great idea.

Did I mention that he pooped so much yesterday that it actually got into his hair? That was awesome! He has been known for diarrhea but this went above and beyond.

Judgement Day

March 4th is judgement day. No I don't mean the second coming of Christ. It will mark our 6th month home. Everyone tells you not to judge anything you do the first 6 months of bringing home your child. Survival mode kicks in and you do what you need to do to get through this huge transition.

So now let me be the judge. When we left Ethiopia with Tesfa I thought to myself I 'daycare loved him'. I cared about him and wanted to make sure he was ok and loved him like I loved many kids that had been in my care. This was sufficient. Joel and I were at his beck and call. If we were down stairs watching tv and heard the smallest wimper from his crib it would send us running to him. He was fed whenever he was the slightest bit hungry (sometime I don't even think he was hungry he just wanted to know he was going to be fed). He consumed over 50 ounces of formula a day. About 3 months after coming home I realized his food anxiety was diminishing and is now gone.

While in Ethiopia I joked that I was the 'perfect mom'.

Are you going to use cloth diapers? Yes, I am the perfect mother.

Are you going to co-sleep?

Whatever the question "Yes, I am the perfect mother" was the response. Now of course it was a joke but I am learning more and more that I am not the perfect mother. I don't know if there is such a thing.

I thought I would never want to put him down. I didn't picture myself being ready to run from the house the second my husband came home. I thought I would have endless patience but often found myself crying while trying to get Tesfa to nap. Much of what I thought turned out not to be the case. I never wondered if we had ruined our lives by adding our little boy to the family, but I realized how people could find themselves in that position. The worst part is that I thought I was prepared for the worst. I read about attachement problems, extreme food anxiety, and just about everything else you could think of.

I thought I was prepared to have him sleep in our room for at least a year, but after a few months I was ready to put him in his own room. I actually thought I was going to "breast feed". I had purchased a medela nursing system and was "prepared" to use it. But it only held 3 ounces of formula, was a huge pain in the ass to attach and Tesfa was frustrated trying to figure it out. We only tried it once. With his food anxiety it was not worth it.

The hardest part I think came in November. I had to prepare to take of another child. I was going to start watching my friends little girl 3 days a week. I think added more anxiety for me then I realized. As Tesfa would scream at the thought of sleep all I could think is how am I going to do this and take care of O. Even this week as Tesfa has been converted to a drool and snot factory thanks to teething I wonder how will I get through this and take care of her. Is it ideal-NO! But we figure out a way to make it work.

Friends also told us that we might come home and have a fear of someone taking T away from us. I didn't think this was the case but I did have several dreams about people chasing us and trying to get Tesfa. I ran as fast I as could carrying our baby in hopes that no one would "get him". Even recently I have had thoughts of what if for some reason we were told to give him back to his birth mother. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I find myself more in love with him everyday.

And there was one more thing I was "prepared" for. I really wasn't sure about some family members. Were they going to treat him differently? And if so we were going to need to cut ties with them. The thought broke my heart but I wasn't going to allow anyone to treat my son like a second class citizen. Luckily (not sure that 's the best word for it) the biggest complaint we have gotten is that they don't get to see him enough. If it were up to them we would move a block away from them so they could see T everyday.

Sorry for the even more then normal scattered thoughts. As I try to write my drool factory of a boy beckons.

Technically we haven't been home six months yet-that comes on Friday. So I still have 4 days to become the perfect mother. It seems doubtful.

Sunday Shoot

10 Months Old

Tesfa came home on Sept 4, 2010. He turned 5 months old that day. He has now been with us for half of his life. I feel a bit relieved by this but at the same time think about the first half of his life and all the people who took care of him and love(d) him.

Even on our worst days I am still glad he is ours. He is such a sweet little boy and unless he has a raging ear infection he is pretty easy to get along with.

In the early part of January he pulled himself to standing in his crib and at the end of the month he rolled over onto his belly. My favorite milestone came in January as well-he learned to give kisses. It mostly consists of slobbering all over your face but I'll take it. He is working on crawling and I won't be at all surprised if he crawls and/or walks in the next few weeks.

The Mind Wanders

Last week I got some surprising news. I needed to take Tesfa to the hospital for an ultrasound. His head circumference had jumped from 50% to 95% since coming home. The dr. was a little alarmed. There is nothing like someone telling you something could be wrong with your kid to make your mind wander to some awful places. I googled hydrocephalus and began to wonder what the results were going to tell me. I think to myself (as the over thinker lets worry to much kinda person I am) we can cash in our 401K to pay for any surgeries and sell the house if we have to (seriously this is what Im thinking even before we had the test!).

I spent most of Friday crying my eyes out. Once again I felt/feel so blessed to have The Tribe. It's great to have friends who know what you are going through. I worried we were going to get the "you should have known" comments from friends outside the group (meaning they were waiting for something to go wrong with our adoption). Luckily that did not happen. The few people we did tell said nothing of the sort and only hoped that the results would prove that our son was fine.

As soon as we got home from the hospital I called the dr to see when the results would be in. They said it could be a day or two. UGH! I called again this morning and still no news. I saw friends for a playdate and then another friend for lunch. When leaving lunch I saw I had a missed call and sure enough it was the dr. office. They said they had the results. I wanted to throw up! If nothing was wrong they would have said that on the message, I thought. But sure enough nothing is wrong. Tesfa just has a big head like I know many Ethiopian children do. I'm thankful my son is fine and we don't have to cash in the 401K or sell the house and live in a one bedroom apt.

Sledding

Strange & Wonderful things happening

Something is very odd in our house. My son, yes the oh so adorable boy who loves to scream and have a raging fit at nap time, is sleeping.

It all began when he took a 30 minute nap on the way home from yesterdays playdate then he took a 2 hour and 15 minute afternoon nap. The weirdest part was that he didn't wake up once! I didn't have to run to his crib 3 times during that nap to get him back to sleep.

THEN just when things couldn't get any weirder...he sleeps from 7p-6a.m. SERIOUSLY! Now to top it off he has been asleep for an hour for his morning nap. Dare I dream of getting laundry done or even better getting sleep myself? It's just too good to be true. I dare to ask how long can this last?

Ear Agony Update

Well it seems to be better for the moment. He actually got up once last night and my beloved husband got up with him. I must have gotten 7 hours of solid sleep. Amazing!

Tesfa is still rather fussy during the day but I think it has to do with his lack of mobility. I've noticed him getting into an almost crawling position often. However he doesn't seem to crawl-typically his feet slide out from under him and he is flat on his belly. He does not love this but seems to be tolerating it slightly longer then normal. He wants to pull himself up on everything but is quite there yet. So mommy stands ready ALL day long to help him-it starts to me nuts after a bit. He has been using his walker a little bit. He loves it. However last night he fell and got his first bump and bruise. Im sure there will be plenty more bumps and bruises coming soon.

Got Fluid?

We do. Infection is gone but there is still fluid behind his ears. We have an appt at the ENT next month but I'm going to try to avoid it if possible. I hate the idea of putting him "under". We are going to the Chiropractor again tomorrow. I figure it can't hurt. We'll try that for the next few weeks and see if we can get rid of the fluid that way.

I am seriously considering giving him chamomile tea tonight before bed. I've been reading that it is safe for infants and if it will help him sleep I am ALL about it.

Update: Confessions of a sleepy mom

I gave him some camomile tea and put some lavender oil on his feet. Both recommendations I found on the internet-so they have to work, right?

Not a good sign

It's 8 in the morning and I am about to pull my hair out. He is screaming his head off because he is so tired but refuses to go to sleep. I'm taking a 5 minute break and going back in to try and rock him to sleep-again. He has one dose of his antibiotic left.

Yesterday seemed better. I took him out the the conservatory and seemed to have a little more patience when he woke up 3 times from his afternoon nap and had to be rocked back to sleep.

I think we'll head back to the dr. again tomorrow-4 visits in 4 weeks.

update: ok he fell asleep after a couple minutes-hoping it last for a little bit.