Joy Divided

What a day. I went to Target instead of coming home right away. BIG mistake. Had I come straight home I would have seen the joyous news even sooner. The beloved A, D, & E welcomed home a baby girl today. Our lucky charms The Ferg's get to bring their beautiful boy home sooner then expected.

With all this great news I still couldn't help but feel just a bit sorry for myself. I practiced retail therapy as one must do at such a time.

I did not call the hotline to see how many referrals came in this week. I thought I just can't take it. I can't hear 0 or 2 or some tiny number. Well sure enough 10 referrals came in this week. TEN! I'm not sure where this puts us on The Unofficial List but even a little movement is good.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Don't judge me

Ok this may be pushing it and borderline pathetic, but... I went to print an updated copy of The List. You know that thing I obsess over daily. I mark the names off with a pink or blue highlighter to reflect the recent referrals. Well when I went to print The List it printed in pink. I know we are just out of cyan ink but still. Maybe it's a sign. I think it becomes slightly less pathetic when I know how pathetic it sounds before I "say" it.

According to The List 2 families want a boy, 5 want a girl and the rest are open (these are the families that are in front of us). Do you have a gut feeling about our referral? My dear friend Emily swears we are "having" a girl. My niece says we are having a couple girls. My best friend, Betsy, has always said she thought we'd have a girl first. We have lots of boy clothes so I wouldn't be surprised at all if we got a referral for a girl.

Honestly I don't care either way. I want both!

Wow I just realized this post sounds sorta...optimistic. How can that be?

Why help Haiti?

I woke up this morning and checked my facebook account. First thing I saw someone posted the questions, Why Help Haiti? They sited that the US has people that are hungry and lack health care. When I replied that the poverty in Haiti was unlike anything in the USA I got some pretty negative responses. The one that bothered me the most was: Will Haiti help us when we need it? & They think money grows on trees in the US.

So I thought about this a bit. Yes, the US has people that go hungry, that lack health care and many of our schools are failing. What would it take to fix these issues? Would $110 Billion do it? I would think that kind of money would make a significant dent in our issues at home. Where did the $110 billion amount come from? That is the amount of money americans spend a year on fast food.

It irritates me so when people talk about "helping our own".

Twists & Turns

I wasn't going to post this because I didn't want to start a rumor but it seems it is too late. There is talk on the boards that Ethiopia will switch to a two trip country (once for court, once to bring home the child). No idea when or if this will actually happen.

It has pros and cons. I love the idea of meeting our child earlier (if it works out that way). I hate the idea of leaving Ethiopia without them. I love the opportunity to see more of Ethiopia and two trips would allow that. I'm concerned about the additional cost, but if this happens we will find a way to make it work. I hate the idea that this could take longer (maybe???) but love anything that could bring a little more safety and security to IA.

This roller coaster has many twists and turns.

A letter from Satan

Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan

I saw this on another blog and thought this was funny.

http://www.startribune.com/opinion/letters/81595442.html?elr=KArks7PYDiaK7DUqEiaDUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUU

Haiti: Children being airlifted to Florida?

In a move mirroring Operation Pedro Pan in the 1960s, Catholic Charities and other South Florida immigrant rights organizations are planning an ambitious effort to airlift possibly thousands of Haitian children left orphaned in the aftermath of Tuesday's horrific earthquake

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/broward/breaking-news/story/1425090.html?commentSort=TimeStampAscending&pageNum=1

Some movement

There has been a little movement on "the list". I haven't been checking it as much because I just can't bare to see us sit in the same spot. We are at 18. It's not great. I will not jump when the phone rings, but it is something.

The listkeeper and I have become good "online" friends. I have never met her but we have a lot in common and she is just a few spots after us on the list. She emailed me to tell me she was feeling very optimistic. She calculated our worse case scenerio and came up with 6 months till referral. I suppose I can manage to wait 6 more months but lets think about this. That puts us at July. What happens in August? Oh yeah court closures. This really makes me wonder if the baby will be home this year. And since its only January that is hard to handle.

We'll have to get a homestudy update in July. If we don't have a referral by then we have decided that we will increase our age range and review the medical needs list. By July it will be more then 2 years since we were accepted with CHSFS. IF this does happen-IF we actually do become parents-I know it will be worth it. BUT that is a big IF at this point.

Focus on the (hateful) family

I was listening to Focus on the Family today on the radio. Yes, I listen to it once in a while in the car. I am a gluten for punishment. I like to know what people on the other side of the fence think.

What I heard was someone defending Pat Robertson for his comments on Haiti. I wasn't sure what he had said at that point. The broadcaster said Robertson was being targeted for saying he hoped this tragedy would turn people to God. When I got home I looked up his comments. What he said was that the Haitian People had made a deal with the Devil 200 years ago and that is why this happened.

I know Robertson is a nut but to find out he has supports scares me.

Anyone using Hope Adoption Agency?

Just saw a post on another blog that I thought I should share. I don't know anything about this agency of the people who run the blog, but that doesn't mean what they are saying is not true.

http://www.inmyownarms.blogspot.com/

A rather unpleasant tone

So I just sent an email to my specialist at CHSFS. It wasn't overly nice. I asked for a more "accurate" idea of wait times. This seems pretty stupid of me because obviously they are not very good a predicting wait times.

So far this is how it has went:

Original quote 5-9 months.

After 8 months we are told 9-12 months.

At 11 months we are told 12-14 months.

About 13 months into it we're told 12-18 months.

Now we are at 16 months. I think the current quote is 18-24 months.

I just wish I had some idea of what to expect.

I am fresh out of optimism.

Is there an award for most depressing blog?

I think I would like to nominate myself.

I mean really. If you are looking for uplifting this blog is the wrong one to read. Here's the summary of my blog. Waiting Sucks! Waiting more sucks even more! Love my Tribe (ok one good thing). And corruption is present in IA-no matter how much we want to believe it isn't.

How do you know you are doing the right thing when you don't know what the right thing is?

Can you tell it's our 16th month waiting?

My Lord it's been 16 months

Can you believe it. 16 months ago(as of tomorrow) we were added to the wait list. I ran around the house so excited I was yelling like a lunatic. I have very mixed feelings at the moment. Doubt overtakes them all right now. And its not even that bad. It feels like adoption is that thing we tried to do once and it didn't work out for us.

When I think about traveling or the sex of the baby my next thought seems to be something like 'why would you think that'. I get baby stuff organized and instead of thinking our little one will be rocking in this swing someday or laying in this bed I think my friends and family can use it when they visit with their kids.

Maybe thinking this way will save what little sanity I have left.

Welcome Ben: A new member to our tribe

Michelle & David brought home their sweet baby boy Saturday.

What happens when an adoption is lead by corruption

I just read this woman's story and thought you should to.

http://allysjourney.blogspot.com/

Feet Draggin' Wheels Turning-Anger erupting

Here it is the big dilemma I face in this torturous wait: WORK. Forgive me for being so candid but I kinda hate my job. I know that makes me sound like an awful person since I work with kids. The problem is never the kids. Yes they can be a handful but I adore them.

The problem: It's 10am and I am sent home again. The company needs to cut hours. So they bounce babies from my room to another room to make them "fit" into ratio for licensing requirements. This annoys me greatly since it in no way serves the best interest of the children. I can have 12 infants (6 weeks-12 months) in my room that is about 20x20. Add a couple of swings, jumper, bouncy seat, toys, 1-2 adults (including myself), PLUS 12 infants. To be fair rarely do we have 12 at once but often 10.

Parents are fed a fairytale of what happens there and it makes me nuts! It's all fine and good when parents are there but everything changes once the paperwork is signed. This bothers me much more then anyone else. This sorta thing always has. If you can't put the kids first then please don't run a business centered on them. The amount of money parents pay to get second rate care upsets me greatly.

So now that I have complained what do I do? I would like a different job-yesterday. This was supposed to be temporary 6-12 months because then our baby was to be home. It has been 18 months.

Many of you know that I am a photographer. But I really am not comfortable booking more then a few weddings without info on our travel. Considering going back to school and getting a teaching degree. But not sure what to do about right now. OY!!!