My Lord it's been 16 months

Can you believe it. 16 months ago(as of tomorrow) we were added to the wait list. I ran around the house so excited I was yelling like a lunatic. I have very mixed feelings at the moment. Doubt overtakes them all right now. And its not even that bad. It feels like adoption is that thing we tried to do once and it didn't work out for us.

When I think about traveling or the sex of the baby my next thought seems to be something like 'why would you think that'. I get baby stuff organized and instead of thinking our little one will be rocking in this swing someday or laying in this bed I think my friends and family can use it when they visit with their kids.

Maybe thinking this way will save what little sanity I have left.