Tuesday, July 12, 2011
His Story
So I have been trying to tell Tesfa his story. I know he doesn't understand it yet but I want to make sure I have it together before he does understand. We look at pictures of his BM all the time-he kisses her picture-I love that. But how do I tell him his story without making it sound like a fairy tale and making us look like some heroic figure? Do I say we wanted you and flew to Ethiopia to bring you to your forever home? Where does that leave his bm in the details. I'd love to hear what others do-without giving away your private details.
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5 comments:
At his age I would probably just identify her as his first mother (using whatever term you are going to use) and I wouldn't fill in too many more details at this point. As he hits 3-5 he will start to make the connection between babies and mommies and you can begin to explain that his first mom couldn't take care of any baby, etc- I would stick to the facts... His first family couldn't be a forever family and that she/they left them with the orphanage so the nannies could take care of him until you could be his forever family. But honestly- at his age he isn't going to understand. K is now beginning to process the whole babies in bellies thing and we have told her about her ET mommy (although leaving out some important but not yet age appropriate details) and ET daddy but she is still clearly not putting it all together. We tell her that she was in her ET mommy belly but when she was born her mommy/daddy were not able to take care of a baby so they took her to the nannies. D isn't as interested in her first mommy/daddy yet.
On an aside note- (and you can email me privately) what are you hearing from your agency about the Mussie closings? I am trying to sort out what is happening and whether K was in a Mussie orphanage- but it is all very complicated
Thanks C! I sent you a message on FB.
Amy, I have been thinking about this a lot lately too. I totally agree with C and that at this stage it is best to just keep things simple and then fill things in as he gets older. There was a piece about this in the most recent Adoptive Families magazine that I just read. It was pretty simple although felt geared towards domestic adoption and I am struggling with how I am going to explain certain more complicated details. But I like the language C used above and will probably steal it. One thing we just did was make a story book of 2010 for him. We put photos of Awassa with captions that it is where he was born and then photos at Gladney and said how the nannies took care of him. We have photos from our birthparent meeting and then photos of us meeting E for the first time and coming home. I think I will use the book as a jumping off point to talk to him about his adoption. Love you!!
I agree with C -- that's pretty much exactly how we do it.
Amy-I've been reading 'how to parent your internationally adopted child' and he gives great ideas for talking to your child about adoption. He talks about creating a three picture story map for your child. The first picture is the earliest picture you have, a picture from the handover of your child, and the last one is a picture of T home now. He says to make 10-20 copies of the life story map, some really small and laminated, and then put them around the house. Talk with T about each picture and he says that saying that T will be with you forever is hard because forever is hard for kids to understand. He says to say something more tangible like until we are older than grandma. (I'm not too sure about that part, but anyway). The author says that this will help to ease tensions, separation anxiety, and help the child to feel secure and safe. Just thought of you when I've been reading it and hope that might help!! : )
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