First night in crib

Tesfa slept (or didn't) in his crib last night. I put him down at 7 and he was up at 11:30 wanting a bottle! I just don't get it. He eats so much during the day I don't see how he could be hungry at night. He was up again at 2:30. I did not give him a bottle, but did rock him for a bit and put him back in his crib. He babbled and fussed for a little while. He didn't cry or scream-it was more him comforting himself. I feel awful for not being more patient, but after four months it is wearing me out. My husband is awesome and gets up quite a bit with Tesfa so I probably shouldn't be so frustrated. However, he does the same thing at nap time-although that is finally getting better.

So this morning Tesfa got up around 7:30. Joel was up and brought Tesfa out to the his little play area while he finished getting ready for work. He played nicely for around 30 minutes. He did not scream and have a fit for a bottle or food eventhough he hadn't eaten in 8 hours! When I gave him his breakfast he didn't gobble it down. He ate it but didn't seem like he was overly hungry. So what gives? How can he wake up in the morning and not fuss for food but can't make it 4 hours during the night?

I feel the need to mention how much I love the boy and how good he is most of the day. As though after reading this you may question me.

Sleeping or not?

Ok he had dinner a little later, some cereal 30 minutes before his bottle and still downed an 8oz bottle before falling asleep in his crib! Part of me is a little sad but I think a bigger part is hopeful. If I can get more sleep I am sure I will be a better/more patient mommy. Wish us luck: PLEASE I need it.

No Sleep=No Patience

When Tesfa came home he went to bed around 7:30. He would wake up at 2 & 5am for a bottle. Then he added another feeding around 10:30. Recently he had gotten down to getting up once a night at 3:30 OR 5a.m. I thought for sure we were close to sleeping through the night. No such luck! He is back to getting up 2-3 times a night and sometimes a little more. I am so frustrated! I have tried everything I can think of and nothing has worked. I don't think he is teething and there are no signs of an earache (which he has had before). I have given him tylenol to see if that helps (in case he is teething) but it is no better. He woke up at midnight last night and had a bottle and then was up again at 3am. I cried.

I don't think he has ever fallen asleep without having at least a small fit. Swings and bouncy seats don't work. Maybe it is time to move him into his own room and see if that helps.

To Crib or not to Crib

Since Tesfa came home in September he has slept in our room. Thanks to a good friend we have a wonderful portable crib that sits right next to my side of the bed. I thought we would be the family bed kinda family, but we're not. I like the idea don't get me wrong but my fear of him getting hurt doesn't allow my to do it. So he sleeps next to me safe and sound in his little crib. Now I am struggling with the idea of moving him into his own room. He does nap in there often. But I get teary thinking about moving him. Sometimes I lay in bed a minute or two and think I don't hear him breathing. Then he either coos, farts or I look over and stare at his chest until I see it rise and fall.

The reality of it is I think he would sleep better, Joel and I would sleep better and I don't think it will scar him for life to not sleep next to me. I think the first few nights would be hard for me. That seems so silly. His crib would literally be on the other side of our bedroom wall. I think I'll put a mattress on the floor in his room so I can sleep next to him for a night or two. Hopefully that will be enough to get me through the transition.

Merry Christmas Eve!

This year I have everything I've wanted. Christmas is more hectic, but so well worth it.

We woke up this morning and and told him it was Christmas (he's only 8 months he doesn't know the difference). We were all excited so he started to get excited. I turned the tree on and grabbed the camera, Joel brought Tesfa into the living room to see his toys. Santa brought him a playset with a slide and swing. Santa got it for a great deal on craigslist. He also got The 12 days of Christmas by Rachel Isadora. Its a great book- set in Africa. There were a few other toys and a childs picnic table (also and a craigslist steal!) too.

Did he care about his gifts? No, not really. He wanted to eat the paper and then settled on eating a shoe. No matter. He will see pictures one day of his first Christmas and hopefully he'll know how excited we are to spend it with him.

Apple of my eye

It's the can't live without you, crazy for you kinda love. Joel was leaving for work yesterday and Tesfa was "hugging" him. Joel nearly cried when he has to leave. He still makes me a little nuts sometimes and I imagine he always will for one reason or another. Soon he'll probably say the same about me.

He is doing amazingly well. He is drinking 32 oz of formula a day. That is what he is supposed to be having so I'm glad he is on target. He is wanting to pull himself up to standing but hasn't gotten there quite yet. Still no rolling over (from back to belly) or crawling. He is bright and cheery most of the time. He is learning to clap and said "mamamama" for the first time on thanksgiving. He doesn't know what it means but I'll take it anyway.

His grandmother is amazed by the fact that he will sit and play by himself for 30 minutes or more. She remarks at how sweet and well tempered he is. His cousins (at least the youngest 3) swoon over him. Thanks to grammy he has discovered the joys of puffs and now loves to feed himself.

He is around 20lbs and 50% for his weight.

Family

When we first found out about Tesfa we got a pretty complete history of his life, well as complete as it could be for IA. We had agreed to details of his life private until he was ready to tell his story. And for the most part we have stuck to that. We have, unfortunately, given small details to a few close family members/friends. In hindsight I wish we would not have done that. Because by giving them only a few details that opened the door to many more questions. Sometimes those questions were never asked but still people seem to have drawn their own answers. The reason I write this is so that if you are currently waiting for a referral or have one I would urge you to share no details, even to parents and closest family. Often parents, even after being told, don't realize how important it is to keep the smallest details to themselves. Eventually Tesfa will tell others his story but that should be up to him as to how much and when he tells it.

The other challenging part is asking your family to accept him like any other grandchild, niece/nephew, etc... but at the same time asking them to back off when it comes to holding and spoiling. For the most part this has went pretty well. We had some difficulties at first but it seems to be improving. My family is certain that I am "spoiling him" and "pushing it a little" when it comes to attachement. I worry that I am not holding him enough some days-I mean he does need time to play on the floor etc..., right?

Yesterday we went to see my parents a little over 2 hours from us. The car ride was LONG! Tesfa was not happy about being tied down to a car seat for that long. We had to stop 4-5 times so that didn't help. I let my dad hold T for a minute while I got a plate of food. And my mom held him a little later-after all it was her birthday and that was pretty much her gift! It was clear that Tesfa looked to Joel and I to make sure it was ok. So spoiled or not it is becoming clear that we are a family.

First Signs of Progress

Food Anxiety: Tesfa anxiety about getting fed has greatly diminished. He now goes 4 or more hours without a bottle and often gets fed before he even cries!!! This is so exciting. His cries and looks of terror when we first came home broke my heart. He is now drinking 34-40oz a day. A far cry from the 50+ounces he had been drinking. This morning I actually got a bottle out of the frig in front of him and waited a minute or so to give it to him. And he didn't freak out!

Joy: Joel spent the night at his parents last Friday so he could help is sister move. Tesfa and I were outside when he came home. When Joel got close enough that Tesfa could see who it was he was SO excited. He squealed and kicked his legs. It was really cute to see.

Approval: He looks to Joel and/or myself to make sure a person is ok.

Good Cry: Yesterday my SIL came down to help us out with an event we are photographing today. Joel handed Tesfa to her and after about 5 seconds he looked at us puckered his lip and CRIED. I don't think I've ever been so happy to hear him cry. As soon as I picked him up he stopped crying!!! JOY

He is getting more smiley and happy everyday.

He now kicks his legs when you tell him Kick, Kick, Kick.

Attachment

People keep asking if Tesfa is attaching. The truth is I'm not sure. How do you know? He does smile at us quite a bit...more than anyone else. But he is too young to reach for us or give us any distinct signs. At this point only a couple of immediate family members have held him and it's only been less then a minute. I guess he doesn't have much choice but to like us since we are the only two meeting his needs.

Is it all in the eyes? That's what some people have said. There are times when his eyes do look super bright and happy. He stares at me less with that look of, "still you???". So I guess maybe that is a good sign. It is nice to wake up to his smiles and jabber.

He screaming fits are far fewer. Although yesterday was a rough day because he did scream until nearly making him self sick before falling asleep in my arms. I don't let him "cry it out". Speaking of which the boy is now awake better go get him.

Parenting is hard work!

Eventhough things are going better then I expected I am still completely worn out at the moment. Tesfa is actually napping now so I get a minute to write. I have so much that I need to do but can't find the time to get it done. The house is a mess, I have photos to edit and I would kill to get a hair cut.

I don't know what I would have done if he was as difficult as I thought he was going to be. I don't know how single moms or moms with little help get anything done!!! Joel has been great. He gets up with Tesfa during the night quite a bit...actually more than I have lately. He is working better hours but he still has long days. This weekend he is going to his sisters to help her move which means I'll have less help then normal. I don't mind much but about 4-5p.m. everyday I am ready to hand Tesfa over to his daddy.

My arms hurt! I didn't think this was going to be a problem since I have worked with kids for two years. Tesfas rapid growth has not given my arms time to keep up. Everyone told me he would catch up quick I just had no idea how quickly! I figure it needs to slow down soon or he'll be 52lbs for his birthday (which btw the party will be April 9). He likes to be held a lot which is good for bonding but I kinda look forward to a time when I can get a day off. I know that sounds awful to say so soon in to parenting and after all the wait but... I do look forward to it. Mostly because I would love to get a hair cut and catch up on photo editing and maybe take a nap.

I think he is hitting many of his milestones for his age. He jabbers like crazy, plays with his tongue, reaches for toys etc... He does not roll over yet and he doesn't care much about his playing with his feet. I'm not overly concerned...not sure if that's because I'm easy going about these things or too lazy to work at it much more then we already do.

Cute Kid, My Boy

It would appear that after two years of complaining about waiting that I have nothing to say. Sorry for anyone who actually follows this blog and expected some sort of deep insight to parenthood. The truth is we are settling in well. Tesfa has grown like a weed. I believe he is around 17 lbs now! Yep, that's 6 lbs in 6 weeks.

I was concerned the first time I saw him. He was on the floor and didn't seem to respond well. He smiled very little and barely moved his head. I was certain we were going to have a hard road ahead of us. And while the next visit went much better I still had concerns. I still can't talk or think about that first trip with out getting teary and emotional. Leaving Tesfa and not knowing when we would return was truly the hardest thing I have ever done.

But when we traveled again a month later it was a much different story. We walked into the room at the care center to see him. He was in his bed and on his tummy. He smiled immediately. His head was held up well on his skinny little arms and shoulders. His social worker commented on how he must be happy to see us because he doesn't generally smile. I don't know it that is the case. Did he have any idea who we were? Hard to say, but it is a nice thought.

The first few weeks at home he would look intently at other people but only smile for Joel and I. Now it may take a few minutes but he will give you a smile that lights up the room. For his sake and ours I am glad to know that he got his birthmothers smile.

Save the Date: March 5, 2011

One Month Home

Tesfa has been home for one month. It seems hard to believe. Sorry I haven't written about the second trip. It's hard to find the words to describe it. I will try to do that soon.

He is making wonderful progress. He's gained nearly 4 lbs in 4 weeks. He is so alert. He blows spit bubbles and jabbers all the time. His smile lights up the room. It feels like he is attaching but it is hard to know for sure. I know attachment isn't a quick thing. It will come with time. Despite what some might say I don't think he knows we are mom and dad quite yet, but he is starting to look for us and listen for our voice.

Two Years Today

Two years ago we were added to our adoption agencies waitlist. The best news is we are no longer waiting. Our son is home! It is hard to believe.

Tesfa Edilu We Love You

He is bright eyed.

He smiles often (unlike what we had been told).

He tantrums for 15 minutes before falling asleep.

He drools a lot.

He jabbers.

He follows objects and reaches for them-a big improvement from when we saw him a month ago.

He is beautiful.

He has outgrown the 0-3 months clothes we have for him!

He is over 12 lbs now. Small for his age but he'll catch up soon.

He looks at us intently. I think he wonders when "our shift" will end.

He makes eye contact well.

He is learning to sit up and does great at his tummy time.

He is a joy to have. We are very blessed.

Our SON is home

We arrived home on Saturday, September 4th around 6:30p.m. The flight went better then I expected. More details to come.

Today is THE DAY

We leave for the airport in a few hours. We will spend 2-3 days travelling around Addis and soaking in as much of the country and culture as we can. I want to be able to tell Tesfa that it is not what you see on tv. Yes, it is poor and the people there could use our help but there is so much more to Ethiopia.

The first trip was a huge blessing. We are more aware of what to expect and feel much more comfortable. In a few days we will travel south to Hosanna. There we hope to have the chance to meet his birth mother. We'll keep the details of that conversation private. It is Tesfa's story to tell not ours. I hope that I can convey to her how much he is and will be loved. I hope that brings her some peace.

Then we will see our boy!!!!!!!!! We'll spend the morning with him and then go for lunch. We'll go back a little later and spend some more time with him. And on TUESDAY he will be in our custody. We will go to the US Embassy and get permission to bring him home.

It is an unreal feeling to think he will actually be sleeping in the crib we got for him before he was even born. People tell us how this is the best thing for him but I know it is second best. The best thing for him would be to live in his beautiful country with the woman who gave him life, but that is not possible.

The best that I can do is to love him madly and make sure that he knows she loves him too.

We arrive home the day he turns 5 months old.

And then I saw his face

Meeting our son! This photo was taken 3 days before our court hearing.

Bright Side

Tesfa Edilu will be coming home the first week of September if all goes well. We have an embassy date of August 31st. As with any circumstance in IA it is all tentative. But we are hoping that all the necessary paperwork is in on time and we will get to see our sweet boy (and Bring Him HOME) in a few weeks!!!!!!!!

Saying Goodbye

It's been a week since we saw Tesfa. Saying good bye to him was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. We had a great visit that day. He was alert and responsive more so then the day before. Someone came into the room and said, 'it's time to go'. I couldnt believe my time with him was ending. I hugged him tighter. Looked at this crazy hair some more and touched his soft curls. I told him that we would be back for him as soon as they would let us. I turned my back to everyone else who seemed to be doing much better then I was. I glanced at Joel and saw his eyes getting redder and tearing. I had to look away before I completely lost it.

The nanny had left the room and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to just set him down and walk out. After a few minutes and lots more tears I set him on the floor. We kissed him good bye. He looked at us and his lip began to quiver. I thought to myself if he cries I won't be able to leave. Just then he smiled at us. It felt like he was saying it was ok, he was going to be ok.

We walked outside where all the soon to be mommies and daddies were crying and hugging each other. It broke my heart to leave him. I can't wait to find out when we can bring him home. We returned from Ethiopia two days ago and I'd give anything to go back, now.

Our Son!

We passed court. I'll write more details later but overall (even in great physical pain) it was fairly simple.

The Plan

As anyone who knows me or who has read my blog for awhile can tell you, I have questioned so many decisions I have made when it comes to our adoption. I second guessed myself constantly. Did we pick the right agency? Should we switch agencies (when wait times increased again and again)? Will this ever happen for us? Well it is happening. I truly do not believe it. I feel very calm right now. Packing is nearly complete. But still I don't believe it is really happening.

I know longer second guess my decision. I am so glad we stuck it out with our agency and waited longer. Because after all T wasn't even born when we considered switching. I truly feel like he is meant to be ours. That's awesome and difficult at the same time. I am not naive-at least not anymore. Two plus years of waiting taught me a lot. I know that this beautiful little boy with a crazy mohawk was loved by another first. My heart breaks for her. I so hope we get to meet her on trip two. I want her to know that he will be ok and will be loved always.

So apparently the plan was for us (especially me) to grow and become less naive, meet some really awesome friends who we now consider family, board a plane with 2 of our closest friends, and have the love and support of said friends as we meet our boy and leave Ethiopia without him.

I am still so nervous about court, but I can't wait to see how the rest of this plan unfolds. I can't wait to board another plane and bring home our (soon to be) son.

Think of us and The Busters and send a few good thoughts or prayers our way.

Friday!!!!!!!!!!!

We leave on Friday! I can not believe it. After all this time it does not feel real. We meet him in 9 days. T is now in Addis which means we will get to see him twice instead of just once. My biggest concern is of course passing court.

We received T's social report yesterday with lots of photos. Let me tell you he is even cuter then I could have imagined. He is holding his head up well or at least it appears in the photo. He drinks all of his portion of formula and mostly cries when hungry.

Next to court my biggest concern is seeing his lifebook. I'm not sure how to prepare for this. I am glad that we will have the chance but not sure how to process the info we receive.

Cleared for take off!!!!!!!!!!

We got a call today telling us our MOWA date was good and we are a go for our court date. They actually said we could come a week earlier (this weekend), but with additional costs, the wedding I need to photograph and a few other details we thought we better wait.

So we leave in 10 days!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and our boy is now in Addis, not Hosanna. So we might get to spend more time with him.

Someone pinch me! (ok not for real I'm crying enough as it is)

My Peanut

He's little. He started off around 50 percentile and is now in the 3rd percentile. He has gained weight but not a lot. He is 8lbs & 22 inches at 3 months old. He needs to get home so I can fatten him up.

And on the airline front... we are tentatively booked on the same flight as E&D. At least once we get to Germany. I so hope we get news this week that our court date is solid and not tentative. I think we'll need to book tickets very soon.

And more waiting...

Right now we are waiting on word to go ahead and purchase our tickets. We have tickets on hold for us and will probably have to go ahead and buy them on Friday!!! It's so hard to think that we could be in Ethiopia in less then 3 weeks but still don't know for sure.

One thing I do know is that I am THRILLED that there is a very good chance that we will be there with two of our closest friends. The thought is more then I can take. We have joked about this for months but who would have actually thought it would happen? It will make it that much harder if we get bumped back a week or so.

Right now every sentence starts with Three Weeks From Now...
we could be leaving for ET
we could be arriving in ET
we could wake up in ET
be eating breakfast, HOLDING OUR BOY, be preparing for court. We could be waiting for the judge to say Yes!

We could officially be his in about 23 days.

Any 2 trip familes??? Yep US!!!!

We got word today of a tentative court date!!! I am 95% thrilled and 5% terrified. I just hope it all goes well. There is a MOWA date before court, from what I understand. We do not know that date at this time. I hope that all the paperwork is in order and that everything/everyone that is needed is able to be there.

If that goes well we should meet our boy in a few weeks!!! My heart races as I think about it.

I did pretty well until I called my dear friend, Ahdra. She didn't answer so I attempted to leave a message. It was probably pointless because I was crying so hard she probably had no idea who the lunatic was on the other end of the phone. OH HAPPY DAY!!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

We returned Saturday night from a week at the beach. With 3 children under the age of 6 it was always busy. We splashed in the ocean, played putt putt, went to the aquarium and watched a ball game. It was great to have that time with our nieces and youngest nephew. Of course we enjoyed seeing Joels parents, his sister and brother in law too. Its just that, for now, we are adored. The kids wait to pounce on us in the morning. Next to silly bands we are probably the coolest thing ever! I know this is limited. Our nephews (on my side of the family) no longer jump when we come to the door. They are all teens and while they love us we rank somewhere behind girls and friends.

The one thing that strikes me most when I spend time with Joels family (especially for a week) is the similarities. Joel drives like his dad (God help us). He has a mark on his chest that his sister and mother also have. I watch Kendyl (6) who is ....assertive lead Andre (3) around. And I know this is exactly what Kristen & Joel were like as kids. It brings me joy and helps me understand my husband that much more. But this time it also made me a little sad.

There are dots that I will never be able to connect for T. There are some questions you just don't know to or have time to ask. I wonder if he will drive like Joel? Will he have my love of ketchup? Will he be artsy? How much of his personality will be nurture/nature? Will he love sports? Be good at math or science? Will his personality be similar to his Ethiopian mommy?

I hope to meet him soon and start to figure all of these things out.

I need YOUR help.

I NEED YOUR HELP! I am helping the beautiful and talented Paige get donations for an EOR (Ethiopian Orphan Relief) event we are planning. I need art, crafts, soaps & lotions, flowers, cakes, massages whatever your talent. ANYONE who is interested in donating items please let me know. Amesegënallô!

Grandma & Baby

This is Joels 98 year old grandmother holding a photo of our boy.

I'm pretty sure she will see her 100th b-day but just in case I wanted a photo of them together.

When she saw his photo her eyes got so big and she got a huge smile on her face.

I'm glad we got to see her reaction.

She said the other day that 'she is really beginning to love that little boy'.

21 Months

Its been 21 months today that we have been officially waiting to become parents. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to be able to look at his beautiful face. I can't wait to share his photo with you.

I am too scared to let myself love him just yet. Please don't get me wrong I adore him. I think about him all the time and long for the day when I can Officially say that we are his and he is ours. Until them I am just a wee bit guarded.

Now I am focused on getting a court date before the rainy season court closures. I have no control over that either but that doesn't stop me from obsessing.

Rediet

So we have a little girl. She isn't really ours. We aren't really hers, but seeing her face makes me smile just the same. About 1 1/2 years ago I decided we should sponsor a little girl. I think it was shortly after watching a video by girleffect.org. I contacted COEEF.org and got some info on a little girl attending The Phase Academy in Ethiopia. I/we started sending a small monthly check (really small $20ish).

A few months ago I read a blog post about how important it is to send cards/photos to your sponsored child. So I finally sent her a card, stickers and a photo of Joel and I. I had tried to do this several times before. I just couldn't figure out what to say.

I told her that we were proud of her (and we are). Today I got an email with photos of her receiving the card and photo. Then I went and checked the mail. I got more photos of her and two pictures she had made for me. I cried.

I know it's not much. I truly wish we could do more. But I hope for her it does make a difference.

Any 2 trip families out there???

Does anyone have a court date that is required to do the 2 trips. My friend Emily and I were obsessing over this a little today. Anyone???

Scared

Someone asked me recently if I was scared. YEP! About so many things.

I am scared about the flight. I am not a great flier.

I am especially scared about the flight home without our boy.

I am scared about being a guinea pig in the world of two trips.

I just don't want any big glitches.

I am scared about the birthparent meeting.

I want to say the "right" thing but I'm not sure what that is.

I am scared about being a parent (and thrilled).

I have never done that before. I think anyone who is about to become a parent for the first time should be scared-at least a little.

I am scared about court!

I've never been to court here let alone in Ethiopia.

I hope that the judge will rule in our favor. Because the scariest thing is that he isn't officially ours until the judge says so. Please judge say so (and soon if possible).

One week

It's been a week since The Call came. We are still in shock. His photo is all around the house and work. Right now I feel like I am able to breathe a sigh of relief. I don't have to check the forum every 45 seconds to see if we have moved up on the list.

But my heart breaks for his loss. His story crushes me. I'm not sure how I will explain to him why Joel and I get to be the lucky ones to raise him. We will figure it out. We have no choice.

Some very wise woman said recently that when your heart breaks it gives it room to expand. If this is the case my heart has grown immensely and will continue to do so.

The Call: finally came

Sorry this is so long I just don't want to forget a second of it.

The Call: 5/20/10

Joel and I had spent half the day Thursday preparing for our home study update. We went to the BMV for driving records, got our BCI & FBI fingerprints done. We had a late lunch and remarked on how nice it would have been to have gotten The Call while we were out together. When we got home we realized we needed to take photos and get them printed for the baby book we would be sending to Ethiopia. I started getting very grumpy. We finished the photos and I had to leave to go to CPR training for work. Joel was going to get the photos printed for peanut’s book and then had to meet someone about a banner. I left for a CPR class feeling quite down.

I got to CPR and director introduced me to his wife and told her we were adopting from Ethiopia. I told her how excited we were and that we were expecting the call any time now. The class started at 6p.m. at 6:50 I got a call from my brother. He was out of town for work so I wanted to make sure everything was ok. I sent him a text. He doesn’t text and was unsure how to reply. So my SIL, Belynda, sent a text saying everything’s fine he just wanted to talk. About 2 minutes later Joel calls. I got up and went to the lobby. I was worried that something was wrong because why else would Joel be calling me when he knows I can’t talk? I asked what was going on and he said, “We got The Call. It’s a boy!” I asked if he was serious and told him it wasn’t funny if he was joking. He said he had just received The Call and was on his way home. I told him I loved him and I was on my way home. He asked if I was leaving the class and I said I didn’t have much choice. I hung up the phone and began sobbing and shaking. I stood there for a few minutes trying to calm down enough so I could go grab my things and go. I counted to ten, went in the room, grabbed my stuff and told the second instructor (who was standing in the hall) it was an emergency and I needed to leave.

I got to the car and called Joel again. I wanted to make sure he was serious. I just couldn’t believe it. It was 7p.m. in the evening. I asked what his name was and Joel said he didn’t know. He didn’t get any info because he wanted us to be together. I called him again a few minutes later and asked if it was ok if I called a dear friend of mine. She really needed some good news. He said it was ok. I called her and told her. She asked his age and I told her I hadn’t even seen the paperwork yet. I hung up with her and called the IAC. I left a message and told them we needed to see them asap.

About thirty minutes after getting The Call I got home, still shaking and still crying. Joel had the computer ready to go and we clicked on the email. We saw his name and age. I scanned down to see his face. I saw my little boy’s face for the first time at 7:30p.m. on Thursday, 5-20-10. We had officially waited 20 months and 10 days for this moment.

I called my mom and couldn’t reach her. I called my dad and then my brother and told them. I called my mom again and there was no answer. I called my SIL again no answer. Called my best friend and again she wasn’t home. In the meantime Joel had called his parents and sister. I finally reached my mom, SIL, and Betsy. We called The Tribe and let them know.

Joel had to go back into work. I stayed up until 1:30-2a.m. Joel got home around 3:30a.m. I got up at 5:20 a.m. for work. We both had to pretend nothing had happened. We weren’t ready to tell everyone just yet. I got texts and calls all morning. At 9:30am the IAC called to schedule an appt. I gave them my info and then they asked for the babies name and age. I said his name and got teary. They asked his birth date and I lost it (again). I told people at work that I needed to leave. We were expecting news any minute. I called CHSFS with some questions and got us scheduled for an IAC appt. When we left the IAC with a glowing report I called work and told them, It’s a BOY. I called the agency and told them we wanted to accept the referral.

We had dinner with the Fabulous Fergs to celebrate. Saturday The Tribe had a wonderful gathering in honor of OUR SON! .

IT"S A BOY!!!

After 20 months and 10 days of officially waiting we got THE CALL. He is beautiful. He was born on Easter!!!

SOST

#2 Boy

#3 Girl

News of possible news makes people happy

It's been great having hopeful news to share. I'm not quite used to it. It's been 20 months & 1 week since we began the official wait. I am hoping by 21 months we have our referral. I can hardly believe.

When I called my mom for Mother's Day I told her we expected to know something in a matter of weeks. When Belynda (my sil) told her we were #4 the other day I guess she lost it. I saw her this weekend and she said "I'm sorry. When I heard that I cried and called a couple of people. I just had to tell someone." I told her I could probably "forgive" her for being excited about her grandchild.

Most of my friends could make a list pages long of great memories with their mom. Mine is shorter. We haven't had the best relationship for a number of reasons. I will add this to the top of my short list and hope for more things to add when the baby is finally home.

Everyone (ok not everyone but a few people) seems to be dreaming of Our Call: The Call. My SIL, Kristen, emailed today to say she had a dream we got The Call and it was a girl. Jen had a dream we got The Call also. On Saturday I had a dream we got The Call.

My heart races everytime the phone rings now. It's nerve wracking but a spot I am happy to finally be in.

#5

Could be a few days or a few weeks.

We might actually have something to celebrate fairly soon!! Can you believe it? The thought of calling family and friends and posting the big announcement makes my heart race and my eyes water.

Our case worker said Our Call: THE CALL could be a few more weeks but that it could be sooner.

I want so badly to see his/her face and to know peanut's name.

Disclaimer: obviously wait times haven't exactly been predictable for us, so I'm not sure how accurate a few weeks is... BUT I'll take it.

Happy Mother's Day

I hope all you wonderful mommies had a great day. I hope that those of us waiting for our children managed to get through the day with a little bit of hope for what next year might bring. I hope that one more deadline will not pass you by while still waiting.

Yesterday I received a Mother's Day card from my SIL, Kristen. She also included a wonderful book called Me and My Mom. I received several notes from dear friends letting me know that they are thinking of me today.

Last year was a really hard mother's day. This year I am trying not to think about it as much. Next year I hope to write a beautiful post on how wonderful it is to finally be a mother. I hope that this wait will have a happy ending.

Today makes 2 YEARS since we began the adoption process for Ethiopia and tomorrow marks our 20th month officially waiting. How can that be?

Today is Birthmother's Day

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart". --Skye Hardwick

The List

This puts us at #3 Boy & #5 Girl since one family is requesting siblings.

20 months quickly approaching

Lots of crappy anniversaries ( I mean wonderful milestones) are approaching. On the 9th it will be TWO YEARS since we were approved to adopt from Ethiopia ( oh yeah and mother's day).

The 10th will be our 20th month of waiting. Unpredictable was the word most used to describe IA when we started. I think that is a gross understatement.

Honestly I'm so preoccupied with my friends referral that I haven't thought as much about our referral. When my phone rings I hope to see Emily's name not our case workers or social workers. Don't get me wrong I still would love to see their name it just doesn't seem as likely.

EOR teams up with Water 1st

W-A-T-E-R!

26042010

I’ve asked people to include this on their personal blogs, so I thought I’d do the same:

You’ll probably remember that EOR had arranged to partner with Engineers without Borders to provide a well for the village of Boru. After a yard sale, a mail campaign and our Art for Ethiopia event, we had raised about 7500.00 for the well.

Problem: a few days before the EOR team left for Ethiopia last December, the planned well was tabled. While the team traveled anyway and did all sorts of thingsfor EOR our water project money remained in our account. Since then, Lauren, who is chair of our partners and projects committee, worked to find us a new water project to fund. She searched for months to find a water charity with a similar mission and finally, on Friday, Shawn was able to announce that we’ve chosen to work with Water 1st.

We looked over Water 1st’s various projects in Ethiopia and agreed that Ethiopian Orphan Relief would best meet our goals by funding a $10,000.00 project. It doesn’t take a math major to realize that we’ve agreed to fund an additional $2,500.00 we haven’t yet raised. That’s where you come in.

With all of our supporters on facebook and in the blogosphere, we feel it’s entirely possible to raise an additional 2,500.00 between now and May 1, 2010 (the day we send the funds). If one quarter of our facebook supporters pledge just 10.00 each, we’ll have the funds, easy peasy. Add a few blog supporters to the mix, and there’s no telling what we can do.

$10,000 will provide a mile of pipeline. $10,000 will fund the construction of the 20,000 gallon storage/distribution tank. $10,000 will fund the construction of all 8 public water points in Kelecho Gerbi.

Imagine walking 10 minutes to a clean healthy water source instead of an hour to a dirty stream. Imagine days spent in a classroom instead of on the road for dirty water. Imagine taking your TB or HIV medicines with water that won’t make you sicker. Imagine instead, yourself as part of the solution.

According to Water 1st, “A $10,000 donation provides safe water, sanitation, and hygiene education for an entire village in Ethiopia for life.”

Isn’t this something you can support? If so, please DONATE NOW

To get the ball rolling, I’ve allocated my birthday donations ($300.00) to the water fund. Only $2,200.00 to go!

TO Donate: http://networkedblogs.com/3hMN7

Racial Profiling

This has me absolutely outraged.

I want to share with you some breaking news — Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer just signed SB 1070, a discriminatory law that would essentially legalize racial profiling in the state.

Arizona has gone too far. This law — one of the worst in the nation — is a moral outrage. We need to send a clear message that Arizona does not deserve economic support from the rest of the country. Tourism is a huge industry in the state — bringing in $18 billion last year.

I just pledged to do what I can to avoid visiting the state or spending my dollars there, as long as racial profiling is legal. Will you join me?

http://presente.org/ref/6274/campaigns/shame

Lucky #

Crunching the numbers

Ok the last post got me thinking about how many spots we have moved on average over the last year. We average roughly 4 spots a month. This puts us right into our vacation planned for mid June. Part of me (a very small part) thinks it will be sooner because we are higher on the list and you don't always make it to #1 when the call comes and more referrals seem to come in the summer.

When people get close they start telling you where they are for a boy and where they are for a girl. Have we actually reached that point? I didn't really think about it that way until speaking with Em last night.

So when I look at the list I guess it actually boils down to us being #4 for a boy or #7 for a girl. REALLY??? Can that be right??? Has anyone ever yelled at their case worker thinking they were playing a joke on them when The Call finally came? If not, I may be the first.

There has to be a mistake in my math??? Serioulsly I can't think. We are #8 on The List. One family is requesting sibs, 3 are requesting infant girls, the other 4 (including us) are open to an infant of either gender.

Are we really getting close enough to care about the phone ringing??? I still don't believe it.

My apologies, my brain is scattered (as I am sure you can tell).

6/18/2009

On 6-18-09 we were #50 on the list. Wouldn't it be great to have a referral by 6-18-10!

Moving along

Oh the possibilities...a random array of thoughts at 19 months

How is it possible to love a country that you have never been to?

To gain a wonderful friendship from a crazed email?

To wait 19 months and still not jump when the phone rings? OK, I am jumping but that is for Emily's call not mine. This is actually great for me. I am so glad to have some good news to look forward to.

Is it even possible that the end of this countdown will end with a referral? Really? I have my doubts. I feel like I am counting down to a vacation or a ... I don't even know what, but not to a referral. It's just too hard to believe that it is possible at this point.

Russia is (or I believe will be) closing adoptions soon. As many of you know that is where are journey began. I feel grateful that we are not getting that news (and hope we don't) but feel horrible for the families that are waiting and especially for the kids who need homes.

After 19 months I feel oddly ok. Maybe I have reconciled with not having children. I don't think that will last long.

Drawn from the Water

I can't get the video link to work but go to this website to check out this video:

drawnfromthewater.org

IF

another IF I could go on for days with all the IF's in my head right now, but here's one:

IF we have a referral in 90 days or less that means are daughter (or son) is born.

Suggestions Please

Let's hear them. I need a stroller, a car seat (or 2), hhhhmmmmm thanks to all the donations for the garage sale and to us in general that about does it for big items.

I really want an armsreach co-sleeper-the big one. Is that silly if we have a portable crib (thanks Ahdra) that can sit next to our bed?

Really, not sure what will be register for because I think we have almost everything. I guess that leaves diapers. Can I register for wine for mommy then???

What would you do?

I feel like I have completely forgotten what it is I should be doing about now. It has been so long since I actually thought we might get a referral that I feel like I have blocked out all info pertaining to it. We haven't really discussed baby names in months or looked at the adoptlanguage book & cd.

Besides sleeping what the hell am I supposed to be doing? Do you really think this time 3 more months might actually mean 3 more months (or less)?

What vaccinations should we get? We hope to travel to Lalibela and Gonder-does that make a difference? I mean seriously you would think I had not been stalking blogs and forums for nearly two years.

What a day

I'm home nursing a lacerated cornea. One might wonder 'how the hell do you lacerate your cornea?'. Good question. I was rocking one of my beloved babies to sleep at work. I was actually thinking how I adore this boy who is often quite the stinker. I kiss his little forehead and think about increasing our age range (he is 20 mnths). He was being funny and threw himself back and as he did so he raked his nail across my eyeball!!! Seriously. I have a severe abrasion according to the dr. It hurts like hell. Today is a little better. . This is actually not the first time this has happened to me. A few years ago I lacerated my cornea while in woodshop for a sculpture class. My mask snapped and hit me in the eye. My poor hubby has had to come home every few hours from work to make sure I have eaten and taken my meds (eyedrops). I am starting to get my sight back.

Its a good thing too because The Grandey's passed court!!! I finally got to see a picture of their little boy. Wow is he beaitiful. I am hoping for more good news any day now from The Buster's.

You know how everyone says you get your referral when you least expect it. What if I got mine when I wasn't able to see 'her' sweet face??? that's pushing it because I still expect it to be a while before the call. And I better have most of my sight back tomorrow. But wouldn't that be my luck.

The highs and the lows

The last two weeks or so have been awesome. It seems everyone we have spoken to has received some sort of good news. This along with a large batch of referrals for CHSFS put me in the best mood I have been in for months.

As expected it was bound to wear down. There were no referrals last week. I couldn't help but think 'here we go again'.

So I will cling to the news that I hope comes this week: a successful court date for the Grandey's, a referral call for The Busters, and hopefully a little movement on our list.

One Trip or Two

What is going on? I've seen several people posting that Ethiopia is now a one trip country again/still. I really wish I had some certainty about something on this adoption roller coaster.

I was actually getting excited about two trips. And if it's more ethical why change it back???

BUT YAY for the the adoption tax credit.

PEAR: Gelgela Orphange

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ethiopia: Gelgela Orphange

This past weekend, PEAR was forwarded a letter from the US Embassy in Addis to US Adoption Service Providers. We understand that some, but not all agencies have informed their clients of the letter and new USE scrutiny of cases involving the Gelgela Orphanage. We believe it is important for adopting and adoptive families to have this information so we have chosen to reprint the letter here:

Dear adoption agencies,

Recently, the U.S. Embassy has implemented several changes to the adoption visa process, including conducting significant additional review of each case and field investigations. In light of our findings, and recent serious allegations and news reports involving Ethiopian adoptions, we will require additional time to process each case from any agency in which the child was processed through Gelgela orphanage.

Effective immediately, the Embassy will require 8 weeks' processing time for each adoption visa case in which the child was processed through Gelgela orphanage. This means that families will not receive an immigrant visa appointment until 8 weeks after the complete case file is submitted to the Embassy. We will not accept incomplete case files in these cases under any circumstances. It is the agency's responsibility to plan family travel accordingly. Cases that have already been submitted will continue to be processed as previously scheduled.

For cases already scheduled (for which the Embassy already has the case file), those parents should expect potentially lengthy delays in the processing of cases involving children from Gelgela orphanage.

Sincerely,

Adoption Unit
U.S. Embassy
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

PEAR put a call out to various organizations and individuals requesting a list of agencies that refer children from Gelgela. The European NGO, ACT (Against Child Trafficking - http://againstchildtrafficking.org/), provided us with the following list which they compiled from public records:

United States:

Bethany (and FTIA under a partner program)
Christian World Adoption
America World Adoption

The Countdown Begins

TOP TEN!!!

I never thought we would actually get to this point. We made the TOP TEN of The Unofficial List today.

I ran around the house like a lunatic looking for my blue highlighter to mark the families name off of The List. I do not recommend this if you have hard wood floors and are wearing socks. I fell on my butt! It was pretty funny I have to say.

Random bits of good news

CHSFS has changed their policy and now allows adoptive families to audio record the birth parent meeting. This makes me happy. I really hated that policy.

Our Madam listkeeper also received her referral. She had just increased her age range and will be the momma to a beautiful boy who is now 19 months old. We also found out earlier this week that our friends who have been trying for years to get pregnant did. They are expecting a little girl in August. It never ceases to amaze me how so many people I know have such a long path to parenthood.

Paige and I also looked at the space for the Dead of Winter Ball. This will benefit Ethiopian Orphan Relief (EOR). Save the date: March 5, 2011

Just keep Swimming

And so we now sit at #11 on The Unofficial List.

I keep hearing the song from Nemo: just keep swimming.

Happiness Ensues Afterall

I was able to mark two names of the list in the last two days. I believe I will be able to mark a couple more names off in the next few days. Thoughts of breaking into the top ten are a little unbelievable. I know top ten is still quite aways from referral but how I have longed to be in the top ten. Those on the forum post Top Ten Waiters topics regularly-In hopes that some in that elite group will travel together.

So I have been running around the house like a lunatic (a pretty happy lunatic). I have asked Joel if he wants to see a pie chart-trying to figure out if we'll have a boy or girl. He assures me he doesn't but I think he's fibbing so I'll probably make him one anyway. It will lead to the same conclusion my charts have had for months-no idea.

My big debate at the moment is my tattoo. I have been planning to get one for about a year. I thought a permanent mark of something ethiopian (esque) would be appropriate.

My tattoo ideas: (let me know what you think)

Foot: Ethiopia -maybe with meskel daisies

Wrist, Shoulder, or back?: (In Amharic text): Ethiopia OR One Love OR Mother

Those are the top contenders anyway. I've been warned that the foot is probably the most painful place to get a tattoo. But even that seems appropriate. More then likely I will wait and have it done when THE CALL comes.

Now that I think of it that might be a fun girls night for The Tribe. We can all get tattoo'd. hhhmmmm?

Numb

At least one referral came in this week so I was able to mark another name off The List. Usually a little dancing and singing ensues when this happens. Not so much today. After a year and a half of waiting it is hard to get too excited.

Another deadline will pass next week. My youngest nephew will turn 3. I cried last year getting ready for his party and was certain that we would have our baby (or at least a referral) by the time he had his next birthday. I HATE setting these deadlines in my head but it is so hard not to. My next referral deadline is our vacation in June but even that seems like a long shot at this point.

So now I will hope that E&D get their call soon. Next to getting the call ourselves I can't think of anything that would make me happier.

IF

If someone from my agency called me right now and said my child's birth parent(s) wanted to meet me or that I could come see my child for a few hours I would be on the first plane to Ethiopia.

In a matter of speaking I think that is what has just happened. IF there is a chance we will get to meet our childs family in court. Maybe we would have met them anyway but...

IF we get to meet our baby and hold them if only for a short time it will be worth the extra money for tickets. The plane ride coming home without our child will make the one coming home with them seem easy.

IF there is any possibility that we can stay in Ethiopia for a few weeks then we will.

IF IF IF my phone ever rings and I hear those glorious words "It's a ________ (boy or girl maybe even twins)!" Then I will be the luckiest person ever.

TWO TRIPS

Apparently Ethiopia is now a 2 trip country!!!!

The Wait

Months tomorrow.

No news is still news?

I was told I needed to update my blog. I feel like there isn't a whole lot to say. I am tired of hearing myself whine and would assume you are tired of it as well.

Part of me feels like saying 'screw this' and moving on, but I know I wouldn't be happy if I did. I am now that person that others worry about when they have good news. That sucks! We hit 18 months on Wednesday and we are still months from referral.

Lots of people tell us God has a plan. I just wish I had a clue what it is.

Eternal Sunshine

Lately I have been thinking about the movie Eternal Sunshine. I would like to block the part of my brain that thinks about the adoption. Just for one month. I would love to not think about the forum, referrals and The List.

I would really like to not think about what we do if/when this never happens.

Heart for Haiti

junkposse is having a heart for Haiti giveaway.

Junkposse also made my "Expecting from Africa" necklace that I wear everyday.

http://junkposse.blogspot.com/2010/02/heart-for-haiti-necklace-giveaway.html

Envy

Tonight Joel and I will go out for a drink or maybe rent a movie and have a 7&7 at home. We will sleep in tomorrow until around 10 (really), probably do some laundry, take a nap and then have dinner with friends. Sunday-pretty much the same story as Saturday. If I tell 99.9% of my friends this they will tell me how lucky I am.

They will tell me that their kids run in and wake them up before 8am on the weekend. They will have birthday parties to attend or prepare for, trips to the zoo and dinner out will be at Chuck E Cheese or McDonald's (ok most of my friends don't go to McD's but you get the point). They will watch the Disney channel. I will tell them how lucky they are.

As much as I will miss my sleep- I can't wait for the day our babe(s) runs in our bedroom pounces on us and says "Mommy get up. Daddy get up!"

Tribal Expansion

The Tribe is rapidly growing. The Ferg's should be bringing their 3 year old son home any day now. I can't wait to meet him. They got stuck in ET on a paperwork issue.

The Grandey's just received a referral for a 6 month old baby boy. I haven't seen his picture yet but am sure he is cute as can be. I can see Lila roaring at him now (I am pretty sure she was a lion in a past life).

And lets not forget about the beautiful Ryan. She looked so cute in her tiny little newborn outfit on Sunday. We also get to see the beloved Ben this weekend. He has been home for almost 2 months.

So four new members in the last two months! Hoping for two more soon!

The 411 on what I expect

Joel has just officially been schooled in what I expect (if/when that elusive baby finally comes home). He looked a little scared as I ranted. These are things he has known for a while but I thought he might need a refresher. You will change diapers, get up for 12 a.m. and 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. feedings, you will kick me out of the house if I am going completely insane, if need be you will call The Tribe and tell them to get their butt's over here to remind me that we will all survive (and hopefully one day thrive). You will call The Shrink if needed!!!

I read a wonderful blog post today from a woman who just brought home her son.

She is struggling. The little boy is challenging to say the least. Lots of adoptomom's sent her messages of support. I completely believe she will make it. In a few weeks or months it will be a blur and she will love him and he will love her, but for now it sucks.

If you want to read it go to: www.lovely-chaos.com

I can't tell you how much I appreciated reading her post. If it were not for other adoptive families I don't think I would have told a soul if I have PAD (post adoption depression). I mean really. What kind of person waits for a child for years only to find themselves questioning what they have done??? Apparently, a lot of people. Alot of really nice people- mothers (and fathers)- who are a little lost for awhile.

Only 1

There was 1 referral this week. Last week there were none. The unofficial list is standing still. We've been officially waiting 17 months and 10 days. My best guess is we will wait a total of 20-24 months for referral!!!

We are going to the beach in June. I keep thinking this is when The Call will come. That's 4 more months of waiting. I can't even imagine. I'm a mess now. What am I going to be like in a few more months???

Fewer people hate me.

In my last post I mentioned that everyone at my work hates me. This has been stressing me out beyond belief for months. I mean taking care of 8-12 babies in one room is hard enough. [This gives me even greater appreciation for the nannies who are (or will be) caring for my child.]

So Saturday Joel and I went to see my family. My SIL invited us to go to their new church. So we went. When we walked in the pastor immediately said hello to us and thanked us for coming. Nice. I've been to a few churches where no one speaks to you or knows who you are. The theme of the service was forgiveness. I must say the pastor did a great job. He read scripture that spoke about forgiving and going to the person who has wronged you and letting them know.

All I could think about was this person who I work with and haven't gotten along with in months. So on Tuesday I thought 'don't be coward-go talk to her'. So I did. I tried to be very calm and not attack her. I thought I was doing a great job in that aspect. However it was not received well. She said some pretty mean things. I of course fired back a few short and cocky responses (never said I was perfect).

Anyway that night I was telling Joel about what happened. I said I felt much better for the most part. I was calm, told her my side, and felt better even if the outcome wasn't what I had hoped. As I was telling Joel the phone rang. It was her. I was reluctant to answer (we were getting ready to go meet friends at Surly Girl and I didn't want to be in a bad mood). I answered it anyway. She asked if I could talk and said that she was sorry for how she responded. She apologized for things she had said and we agreed to get over and move on. So today at work...I spoke to people and they spoke to me! This is a big step forward.

Not sure if it was divine intervention or just a coincidence but either way it should make my life a little easier.

Weird Day

I went to training for work. It sucked. As I have mentioned before pretty much everyone at my work hates/dislikes me. The one person I get a long with is my boss. She is moving to NC next week. No one spoke to me at the trainings-which if fine and mostly expected-but still makes for a really fun day. We took the daycare bus to the training because it was on the other side of town. The snow started shortly after we arrived. We boarded the bus at 3:45ish and I didn't get home until nearly 6p.m.

When I got home I, of course, checked facebook right away. I saw that someone I had went to high school with was killed over the weekend. The circumstances of his death seem bizarre and that much more tragic. I had not seen him in years but it makes me so sad to think that he is gone at 32 years old.

Enkutatash Festival: September 18, 2010

Enkutatash will be held September 18, 2010 at the Whitehall Yearling Park. We will be sending out flyers as well as info about the event. We would like to create a master list of names to keep you up to date about future events. If you would like to be included in mailings/emails please contact me with your Name, Address and Email. harcarphoto@yahoo.com

We are looking for corporate and family sponsors. If you have any suggestions please let me know.

Thanks!

I'm thinking girl

Month 17 is approaching. I go to yahoo search and type in 'quote 17' for something that would be inspirational about the number 17. Don't know why, call it boredom. What did I come up with...

"It's that first moment when you hold your baby girl and you didn't know that anything could be so small, their so delicate and you feel that tiny heartbeat and you know you couldn't love anything more in the whole world, and always be there to catch her when she falls and that nothing ever hurts her not ever, broken arm or bad dream or a broken heart."

It's from the movie 17 Again. I've never seen it.

Help Team Buster: Shoes for Africa's Children

Jump over to this link: commonthreadz.org/teambuster and help team Buster meet their goal.

Joy Divided

What a day. I went to Target instead of coming home right away. BIG mistake. Had I come straight home I would have seen the joyous news even sooner. The beloved A, D, & E welcomed home a baby girl today. Our lucky charms The Ferg's get to bring their beautiful boy home sooner then expected.

With all this great news I still couldn't help but feel just a bit sorry for myself. I practiced retail therapy as one must do at such a time.

I did not call the hotline to see how many referrals came in this week. I thought I just can't take it. I can't hear 0 or 2 or some tiny number. Well sure enough 10 referrals came in this week. TEN! I'm not sure where this puts us on The Unofficial List but even a little movement is good.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Don't judge me

Ok this may be pushing it and borderline pathetic, but... I went to print an updated copy of The List. You know that thing I obsess over daily. I mark the names off with a pink or blue highlighter to reflect the recent referrals. Well when I went to print The List it printed in pink. I know we are just out of cyan ink but still. Maybe it's a sign. I think it becomes slightly less pathetic when I know how pathetic it sounds before I "say" it.

According to The List 2 families want a boy, 5 want a girl and the rest are open (these are the families that are in front of us). Do you have a gut feeling about our referral? My dear friend Emily swears we are "having" a girl. My niece says we are having a couple girls. My best friend, Betsy, has always said she thought we'd have a girl first. We have lots of boy clothes so I wouldn't be surprised at all if we got a referral for a girl.

Honestly I don't care either way. I want both!

Wow I just realized this post sounds sorta...optimistic. How can that be?

Why help Haiti?

I woke up this morning and checked my facebook account. First thing I saw someone posted the questions, Why Help Haiti? They sited that the US has people that are hungry and lack health care. When I replied that the poverty in Haiti was unlike anything in the USA I got some pretty negative responses. The one that bothered me the most was: Will Haiti help us when we need it? & They think money grows on trees in the US.

So I thought about this a bit. Yes, the US has people that go hungry, that lack health care and many of our schools are failing. What would it take to fix these issues? Would $110 Billion do it? I would think that kind of money would make a significant dent in our issues at home. Where did the $110 billion amount come from? That is the amount of money americans spend a year on fast food.

It irritates me so when people talk about "helping our own".

Twists & Turns

I wasn't going to post this because I didn't want to start a rumor but it seems it is too late. There is talk on the boards that Ethiopia will switch to a two trip country (once for court, once to bring home the child). No idea when or if this will actually happen.

It has pros and cons. I love the idea of meeting our child earlier (if it works out that way). I hate the idea of leaving Ethiopia without them. I love the opportunity to see more of Ethiopia and two trips would allow that. I'm concerned about the additional cost, but if this happens we will find a way to make it work. I hate the idea that this could take longer (maybe???) but love anything that could bring a little more safety and security to IA.

This roller coaster has many twists and turns.

A letter from Satan

Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan

I saw this on another blog and thought this was funny.

http://www.startribune.com/opinion/letters/81595442.html?elr=KArks7PYDiaK7DUqEiaDUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUU