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Amy
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Nearly Wordless Wednesday
Monday, July 25, 2011
Seeing his face
It's been a year since we traveled to Ethiopia. Can you believe it? One year ago we were waiting to meet our beautiful little boy. I wore a blue shirt-the same shirt that I had on in the photo I sent him. I put coco butter thinking maybe he'd recognize the scent the next day and then when we returned to Ethiopia to bring him home. When we walked in the room we knew right away who he was. It's hard to mistake a baby with a mohawk.
His lack of expression and emotion concerned me. He didn't seem as responsive as the other babies. I thought we were going to be in for a rough start. I let him just take it all in for a few minutes before picking him up. I changed him into an outfit I had bought for him. Joel blew a raspberry on his cheek and I told him he was going to scare the baby-instead Tesfa let out the first little smile. He seemed to be drawn to his daddy from the very start.
The next day we went back to the care center. I dressed him and changed his diaper. It was a good way to check and make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. I had a friend from our travel group give him a once over-she is a nurse. We watched him chug a cup of formula and were able to hold him a while longer. But after what seemed like just a few minutes Tsion, our social worker walked in, my heart races now just thinking about it. Before she could say anything I turned around, holding tightly on to this little boy hoping I would be his mommy, and started crying. It was time to go. I truly think it was the hardest moment of my life. Court was the following day and we wouldn't be able to see him until our next trip to Ethiopia. His lip started to quiver when I sat him down and I was certain that if he started crying someone would have to physically remove me from the room, but instead he gave his daddy and I a little smile.
The next day was quite a blur-literally since I woke up with a lacerated cornea. Physically I think it is the most pain I have ever endured, but had to pull myself together to get to court. I wasn't able to see court house or the judge but did answer a few questions. And after that we were officially his. Sadly there was no celebrating-we were plucked out of the court house and whisked off to an emergency eye clinic. As sad as I am about missing out on so much the first trip do to my injury I am so glad that I was able to meet my boy and officially be His Mama.
His lack of expression and emotion concerned me. He didn't seem as responsive as the other babies. I thought we were going to be in for a rough start. I let him just take it all in for a few minutes before picking him up. I changed him into an outfit I had bought for him. Joel blew a raspberry on his cheek and I told him he was going to scare the baby-instead Tesfa let out the first little smile. He seemed to be drawn to his daddy from the very start.
The next day we went back to the care center. I dressed him and changed his diaper. It was a good way to check and make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. I had a friend from our travel group give him a once over-she is a nurse. We watched him chug a cup of formula and were able to hold him a while longer. But after what seemed like just a few minutes Tsion, our social worker walked in, my heart races now just thinking about it. Before she could say anything I turned around, holding tightly on to this little boy hoping I would be his mommy, and started crying. It was time to go. I truly think it was the hardest moment of my life. Court was the following day and we wouldn't be able to see him until our next trip to Ethiopia. His lip started to quiver when I sat him down and I was certain that if he started crying someone would have to physically remove me from the room, but instead he gave his daddy and I a little smile.
The next day was quite a blur-literally since I woke up with a lacerated cornea. Physically I think it is the most pain I have ever endured, but had to pull myself together to get to court. I wasn't able to see court house or the judge but did answer a few questions. And after that we were officially his. Sadly there was no celebrating-we were plucked out of the court house and whisked off to an emergency eye clinic. As sad as I am about missing out on so much the first trip do to my injury I am so glad that I was able to meet my boy and officially be His Mama.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Separation Anxiety
I know it is very typical of separation anxiety to kick in around 12-18 months and I think it's safe to say we are there. This is probably made worse by the fact that T hasn't been feeling the best (stupid teeth). Lately he fusses if I leave the room. He wants me with him all the time. Last night Joel and I went out. We left T with my parents and he wasn't happy. I thought for sure he'd calm down after 5 minutes but not so much. I had sent a text to my dad about 30 minutes after leaving and was told "he fussy-but he's ok". So I didn't worry to much.
Then found out this morning (we saw Harry Potter and got home at 1a.m.-we're wild) that he fussed so much he threw up. Ok don't judge me! I've been away from him only a handful of times and he's been home 10 months. Ok fine judge me. Now he does have a runny nose and he has been known to throw up when he has a runny nose so I'm not overly surprised. Was it a bad idea to leave when he was under the weather? Uh yeah probably. BUT we had purchased the tickets several days in advance and really my parents are the only ones we have to watch him. So it seemed like a now or never kinda thing.
This morning he only wanted me-not even daddy was good enough-which is hard to believe. He seemed fine today. Hopefully there are no long lasting scars from this.
* and Harry was really good.
Then found out this morning (we saw Harry Potter and got home at 1a.m.-we're wild) that he fussed so much he threw up. Ok don't judge me! I've been away from him only a handful of times and he's been home 10 months. Ok fine judge me. Now he does have a runny nose and he has been known to throw up when he has a runny nose so I'm not overly surprised. Was it a bad idea to leave when he was under the weather? Uh yeah probably. BUT we had purchased the tickets several days in advance and really my parents are the only ones we have to watch him. So it seemed like a now or never kinda thing.
This morning he only wanted me-not even daddy was good enough-which is hard to believe. He seemed fine today. Hopefully there are no long lasting scars from this.
* and Harry was really good.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
His Story
So I have been trying to tell Tesfa his story. I know he doesn't understand it yet but I want to make sure I have it together before he does understand. We look at pictures of his BM all the time-he kisses her picture-I love that. But how do I tell him his story without making it sound like a fairy tale and making us look like some heroic figure? Do I say we wanted you and flew to Ethiopia to bring you to your forever home? Where does that leave his bm in the details. I'd love to hear what others do-without giving away your private details.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Cynical Rant
We received word this week that Mussie orphanage lost its license. Why does this bother me so? Well any orphanage having to close down is not a good sign, but it is especially troublesome when 2 or 3 of the "ethical" agencies have children at said orphanage. CHSFS and Holt both had children in that orphanage. And my son was there for a short while. Now I do have to say that I don't question his story. I met a member of his birthfamily, I have the life book and all the paperwork adds up ( I know it is more complicated than that but it is a good start). But what the hell! This in't supposed to happen to those agencies-you know "the good ones" . So if the good orphanages are facing closure (do to some good reason-not exactly sure yet) then what are all the unethical agencies doing?
I feel as though I have reached that period where I am becoming (or have become) that hypocritical cynical AP that PAP's dislike or at least in my case question. It's easy to say shut it down when you have your child home...ok not easy...actually it sucks and breaks my heart but still easier than when I was waiting-but at what point is enough enough? How many more cases do their need to be? I know what this means for the kids that actually need homes. I hate the thought of a child growing up in an orphanage or on the streets, but it crushes my soul to think that people lie to birth families, exchange money or do a number of others things that are simply not ok.
*Just to clarify CHSFS nor Holt are shutting down it is one of the orphanages they work with.
I feel as though I have reached that period where I am becoming (or have become) that hypocritical cynical AP that PAP's dislike or at least in my case question. It's easy to say shut it down when you have your child home...ok not easy...actually it sucks and breaks my heart but still easier than when I was waiting-but at what point is enough enough? How many more cases do their need to be? I know what this means for the kids that actually need homes. I hate the thought of a child growing up in an orphanage or on the streets, but it crushes my soul to think that people lie to birth families, exchange money or do a number of others things that are simply not ok.
*Just to clarify CHSFS nor Holt are shutting down it is one of the orphanages they work with.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Set Back
Tesfa hasn't been feeling well the last few days. I'm pretty sure it is just teething but he has been worn out and had a fever. Today, however, he is doing much better. No fever and less fussy. the problem is that while he was sick I slept with him at nap time- in our bed or on the couch-and now I feel like we are back to September/October when he screamed for naps. He is having a raging fit at the moment and I feel awful. I know he would be asleep right now if I layed down with him and really I don't mind doing it except that he wakes the second I move or get up. I should have known better and well I did. I thought about it while I was holding him during his naps but I just didn't care since he was sick.
With everything else going on right now this is a little more than I can handle.
With everything else going on right now this is a little more than I can handle.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Amharic 101
We have a make up class tonight and then another on Saturday before the first session ends. It is very challenging-Amharic is not an easy language to learn. I woke up this morning dreaming about the quiz I had forgot to finish. In my dream I knew the answers--not sure if that translated to my waking hours. I hope to continue with the classes although the day and time are difficult, especially in the summer. Regardless I'll continue to work on learning the fidel and basic conversation in hopes of one day returning to Ethiopia.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Perspective
About 10 years ago I started working with inner city kids in an afterschool program. I learned a lot from working there. It was hard but sometimes I miss it. The first year I was with the program we were decorating for July 4th-making flags- and talking about the holiday. Then a little girl, Diane (7 years old) asked me a question that hit me over the head like a ton of bricks and changed my perspective. As she sat coloring a picture of an American flag she looked at me and said, "Ms. Amy didn't white people own black people then?". She reminded me that the freedom we were celebrating wasn't offered to all.
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