Good Bye 2009

Well we survived it. 2009 is nearly over. I am hopeful that next year will be better. Although I have thought this for about 3 years.

2009 was hard but I am thankful for it. The wait, however painful, has allowed me to grow as a person. Hopefully it will make me a better mother. I have read a ton of books, blogs, and magazines. But the best info I have gotten is from The Tribe. I am forever thankful for my girls. They are brave enough to share the good and bad of parenting and adoption. They will make me a better parent and person.

I am thankful for the opportunity I have been given to get to know the local Ethiopian families. Christmas eve eve was great. Seleshi dropped by Joel's work with a token of appreciation for our photography services. That evening Megnot came by to pick up a c.d. of photos and Tiru came by with a thank you for doing her family photos. The gifts were great but I couldn't help but think how lucky we are to know them and have their friendship.

I, of course, am forever thankful to my husband. He really is such a good guy. I got to see him entertain AM at Tuba Christmas, get tackled by Christine's boys at IFIF, and run around and play with lots more of your children at this years gatherings. He will be a great father.

I hope that 2010 brings tears of joy for all of you.

EDIT: Almost forgot. I need to mention that I am so thankful for our families. When we said we were adopting from Ethiopia at first they were apprehensive. Now all they want to know is what is taking so long because they want their grandchild, niece/nephew, cousin, etc... home. My oldest niece 5.5 (going on 13) said to me on Christmas eve, " I wish my cousin were here". I said "me too". Then she said, "hopefully for next Christmas". We received travel books on Africa and lots of books, puzzles, and ornaments with african and african american children depicted. I am so thankful my family "gets it". While I am sure questions and issues will arise it's great to go into this with much support.

More ethical concerns

Australia as well as several other countries are halting Ethiopian adoptions according to PEAR (Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform).

http://pear-now.blogspot.com/2009/12/2009-ethiopia-adoption-program.html

Read this families story for more info:

http://urbanfunnyfarm.blogspot.com/2009/12/our-adoption-status.html

Not one ugly cry

Well I made it-Christmas & Birthday 2009 are over. Not one single ugly cry. That will probably come next year when, hopefully, I am looking at our son or daughter and thinking how blessed I am.

(blogging break provided by my neighbor girls-who needed snowballs thrown at them.)

I did come to the realization that I need to stop punishing myself for "wasting" my life for the last year and a half. Time to move on and stop dragging my feet while waiting. It's time to make a decision about going back to school (again).

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

On December 25th I will turn 33 years old. While I hope the crying stays to a minimum I make no gaurantees.

This is the birthday that was supposed to mark the completion of our family. Yes in my made up world that was to be oh so perfect I was to be done having kids by 33. Now I hope that we will have one before I reach 34.

I have asked friends to donate to EOR in lieu of b-day gifts.

http://ethiopianorphanrelief.org/

More Photos: Adoption Awareness Month

Ok, its a little late but better than never right???

Searching for Peace

This last week or so has seemed different. Not sure if it is good or bad or how long I will feel this way. I just don't think I can set one more date that the baby should be home and then watch it pass. I'm not sure if I have found peace with the wait or if I've given up.

This was posted on our agency forum:

I am sincerely sorry for everyone who has endured the endless delays of late. Waiting is grueling, which is only compounded when you don't know when or where the end will be. It cuts to the core.

What I am about to say does not change the hurt and the hard of the wait and it is in no way meant to belittle all of the emotions wrapped up in the wait.

Our wait is beautiful. We are waiting to say hello to our future. We are waiting with hope. Waiting with dreams of what will come and visions of family.

The families of our children are waiting to say goodbye. Waiting to kiss their cheek for a final time. To smell their sweet skin and whisper in their ears. They are waiting for loss. Loss that most of us will never have to bear.

And our children will wait too. They will wait for all that is known to return to them and yet it never will. They will wait to hear the whispers of those who love them again. Whispers they will never hear.

If children are not lingering in care. If the agencies we use are acting with haste and due care, then we should be at peace because a decision has not had to be made to say goodbye. There will be one more day. One more kiss. One more moment.

I wish I could go back in time and sit next to the important people in my daughters' lives and whisper in their ears. Just one more day. Give them one more day. Take your time. I will wait here as long as you ask me to.

May you find peace.

Thankful for the tribe

No not the Cleveland Indians.

Here are some of women in the Et mommy tribe.

I give up (sorta)

I am tired of trying to figure out when this adoption is going to happen. For nearly two years I have tried to make sense of something that has little logic. I guess it will happen-when and if it is supposed to. This is easier said then done.

Anyway, we scheduled a family vacation for June with my in laws. Will the baby be there? Will we miss out and be in Africa? I have no freakin' idea. I just couldn't watch one more thing pass me by because of a 'what if'. All I know is I need a vacation so bad it's not even funny. So bring on the beach and the ocean and the drinks!!!

1 year, 2 months, 4 weeks: Update

That's how long we have waited according to Lillypie. The 4 weeks part was easy. I really thought after one month "wow that went by quick". Oh how naive! I suppose if I stopped watching youtube videos of people traveling and and getting "the call" I would probably be able to go a day or two without crying.

As I was typing this post my specialist from CHSFS called. NO not that call (damn it!!). She did say that CHSFS got to plead their case to the embassy and let them know that 20 appts a month was going to leave a lot of children waiting a long time for their parents. She is optimistic that they may allow more appts sometime soon. I didn't realize that a sibling group of 3 would take up 3 of embassy appts. I was thinking it was 1 per family not per child.

Also, the care center may be filled and unable to take more children until these children go home to their forever families. So I will hope and pray that our child is able to be with their family a little longer. That would make this wait worth it. I think about their birth mother and family all the time. Maybe they will get to spend this Christmas with their son/daughter. Maybe our little one will get a few more kisses and hugs from the woman who will give us everything we have always wanted. I hope that this is the case.

Month 15 approaching

It's hard to believe we will reach our 15 month waiting on Thursday. I thought this morning that it may be time to set up the babes room. Not sure if that will make me feel better or worse.

Adoption panel is on Monday. Not sure what I can offer other then to express to PAP's how difficult this side of things can be.

World Aids Day

I am glad to see so many people posting about World Aids Day. I have little experience with HIV/AIDS. I remember seeing the quilt when I started college. It came to the BGSU campus where I was a freshmen. I made a few friends go with me. I still have a magnet on my frig from the event. That was more then 10 years ago.

For me that was the beginning and the end of AIDS awareness. I knew it existed, I know it still exists. Honestly I hadn't thought much about it until we began adopting. A friend told me they knew someone who was adopting from Ethiopia. My first question (this makes me a little ill) was, "What about HIV?". Then a few months later we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. I asked several times about what tests were used to make sure our child would be "healthy".

Now almost 2 years later I can say I have a much different perspective. I have found myself asking " if we have such great resources/medicine in the US then why not adopt a child with HIV". Our medical needs list may look quite different the second time around. At the very least I would like to educate myself on it and be more aware for next time.