Heartbreak

The last few weeks have been challenging around this house. Tesfa has been difficult to say the least. He is excessively clingy with mommy-not letting daddy change a diaper or anything. I'm worn out! The mommy, mommy, mommy screaming is exhausting to hear and handle. I find myself yelling at him for yelling-more than normal.

Then I see a friend post on facebook about her childs "traumaversary" and I literally cry. I have been so wrapped up in the chaos that I forgot the significance of this month. It is not only his birth month but also the time that he was separated from his Enat. Now the worst part is that I thought about these dates a month ago and thought "hhhmmmm, I wonder how he'll be" then i forgot about his trauma and only thought of mine.

It's sometime easy to overlook details of the life he had before we knew him.

The next step: Adoption #2?

I think it might be about time. I think. Not 100% certain but we are considering the next adoption. Of all the things I am not certain of the one I am is that it won't be international. We won't be adopting from Ethiopia. This literally makes me weep. I would love for T to have an Ethiopian sibling. But, right now, I don't feel comfortable adopting from there. And lets be honest money is an issue.

So where does that leave us? I have been emailing back and forth with the people at HelpUsKids. Considering doing foster to adopt. BUT and there is always a but...there are very few infants/toddlers to be adopted out of foster care. So do we break birth order? My biggest concerns if we would do that are Tesfa-how will he feel with me spending time, taking care of, loving an older child? i think he would be fine with a baby-actually I know he would. If anything he would be jealous that I am the one taking care of the baby and not him. But what about a 5 or 6 year old?

And what would that do to an "older" child? Would the jealousy be too much for them when competing with a toddler?

So much more to consider.