Hello Rock Bottom-I hadn't missed you.

Ok maybe not rock bottom but damn what a slap in the face.  Got a letter telling me that my medical claim is probably going to be denied even though i have two years of journal details to show the difficulty I've had with this injury.  Court next week-probably a losing battle.

Paypal still hasn't explained where my missing money is and won't for ...oh yeah same day I go to court  I can call them to see if they found my money yet.

And to top it off I was really hoping for a call from another perspective employer or at least an official offer from the first.  Nada.

Feeling a little defeated.

Feeling Stuck

I feel so stuck right now.  I'm interviewing today for a job that provides an awesome service and is really responsible for helping people.  The hours are good (no nights-no weekends) but the pay will be mediocre.

Or do I try something totally different?  Go for broke (which is kinda a laughable analogy)?  Hours would be long but pay has much greater potential.

If I didn't have a doodle I would do the second.  I am willing to work my butt off but the thought of less and less time with T breaks my heart.

On the flip side I have seen what financial stress does to a family and that is also not good.  My parents are a mess.  Marriage in trouble and a lot of it is due to finances and bad planning.  I love my parents-really i do.  But I dont want to end up like them.

My in-laws planned very well with average (or below average) salaries.  My MIL works for a non-profit and doesn't make much at all.  My FIL is a retired teacher.  So not exactly the corporate exec types rolling in the dough.  BUT they have put money away, planned for retirement, paid for the kids college and are still able to help us when we are in a pinch.  That's the kind of parents I want us to be.  My son doesn't need to have everything but he does deserve our help with school, weddings and even his kids when he needs it.  And if he doesn't need our help--then that's just more money for Joel and I to retire with and travel the world with.

Being a grown up sucks!  I really want someone else to tell me what to do (at least about this decision).

Shaking

So I just called to schedule a job interview for Monday.  I'm teary and shaking a little.  Not nervous about the interview at all.  Nervous because I'm pretty sure I'll get the job--which is good. However, the thought of putting T into daycare sucks! As someone who has worked in child care for years I am used to telling parents "It's harder on you then it is on them".  Now I guess I need someone to tell me that.

Divine Intervention

when people say that adoption is "meant to be" a get a little sick to my stomach.  Why?  Why would God do something so horrible just to bless me with my son.  I am blessed to have him and I don't understand for the life of me why I got so lucky.

Want to read a great article written by an adoptee on this subject? Land of Gazillion Adoptees Read Here

Where we are now

Right now I'm looking for work.  It sucks!  I've applied to a couple of places that I feel have great potential for the long term.  I haven't got a call back---yet.

We have agreed/decided that it's a little too early for us to start the process of adoption #2 right now.  We need to get caught up on finances before having another child.

We are leaning toward adopting again from Ethiopia and being a little more open on special needs.

So if/when the job comes through that will be an indication of how open we can be--how good is the insurance etc...

Part of me really wants to jump in with both feet and start the adoption now--part of me is pretty happy the way we are--for now.