Family

When we first found out about Tesfa we got a pretty complete history of his life, well as complete as it could be for IA. We had agreed to details of his life private until he was ready to tell his story. And for the most part we have stuck to that. We have, unfortunately, given small details to a few close family members/friends. In hindsight I wish we would not have done that. Because by giving them only a few details that opened the door to many more questions. Sometimes those questions were never asked but still people seem to have drawn their own answers. The reason I write this is so that if you are currently waiting for a referral or have one I would urge you to share no details, even to parents and closest family. Often parents, even after being told, don't realize how important it is to keep the smallest details to themselves. Eventually Tesfa will tell others his story but that should be up to him as to how much and when he tells it.

The other challenging part is asking your family to accept him like any other grandchild, niece/nephew, etc... but at the same time asking them to back off when it comes to holding and spoiling. For the most part this has went pretty well. We had some difficulties at first but it seems to be improving. My family is certain that I am "spoiling him" and "pushing it a little" when it comes to attachement. I worry that I am not holding him enough some days-I mean he does need time to play on the floor etc..., right?

Yesterday we went to see my parents a little over 2 hours from us. The car ride was LONG! Tesfa was not happy about being tied down to a car seat for that long. We had to stop 4-5 times so that didn't help. I let my dad hold T for a minute while I got a plate of food. And my mom held him a little later-after all it was her birthday and that was pretty much her gift! It was clear that Tesfa looked to Joel and I to make sure it was ok. So spoiled or not it is becoming clear that we are a family.