First night in crib

Tesfa slept (or didn't) in his crib last night. I put him down at 7 and he was up at 11:30 wanting a bottle! I just don't get it. He eats so much during the day I don't see how he could be hungry at night. He was up again at 2:30. I did not give him a bottle, but did rock him for a bit and put him back in his crib. He babbled and fussed for a little while. He didn't cry or scream-it was more him comforting himself. I feel awful for not being more patient, but after four months it is wearing me out. My husband is awesome and gets up quite a bit with Tesfa so I probably shouldn't be so frustrated. However, he does the same thing at nap time-although that is finally getting better.

So this morning Tesfa got up around 7:30. Joel was up and brought Tesfa out to the his little play area while he finished getting ready for work. He played nicely for around 30 minutes. He did not scream and have a fit for a bottle or food eventhough he hadn't eaten in 8 hours! When I gave him his breakfast he didn't gobble it down. He ate it but didn't seem like he was overly hungry. So what gives? How can he wake up in the morning and not fuss for food but can't make it 4 hours during the night?

I feel the need to mention how much I love the boy and how good he is most of the day. As though after reading this you may question me.

Sleeping or not?

Ok he had dinner a little later, some cereal 30 minutes before his bottle and still downed an 8oz bottle before falling asleep in his crib! Part of me is a little sad but I think a bigger part is hopeful. If I can get more sleep I am sure I will be a better/more patient mommy. Wish us luck: PLEASE I need it.

No Sleep=No Patience

When Tesfa came home he went to bed around 7:30. He would wake up at 2 & 5am for a bottle. Then he added another feeding around 10:30. Recently he had gotten down to getting up once a night at 3:30 OR 5a.m. I thought for sure we were close to sleeping through the night. No such luck! He is back to getting up 2-3 times a night and sometimes a little more. I am so frustrated! I have tried everything I can think of and nothing has worked. I don't think he is teething and there are no signs of an earache (which he has had before). I have given him tylenol to see if that helps (in case he is teething) but it is no better. He woke up at midnight last night and had a bottle and then was up again at 3am. I cried.

I don't think he has ever fallen asleep without having at least a small fit. Swings and bouncy seats don't work. Maybe it is time to move him into his own room and see if that helps.

To Crib or not to Crib

Since Tesfa came home in September he has slept in our room. Thanks to a good friend we have a wonderful portable crib that sits right next to my side of the bed. I thought we would be the family bed kinda family, but we're not. I like the idea don't get me wrong but my fear of him getting hurt doesn't allow my to do it. So he sleeps next to me safe and sound in his little crib. Now I am struggling with the idea of moving him into his own room. He does nap in there often. But I get teary thinking about moving him. Sometimes I lay in bed a minute or two and think I don't hear him breathing. Then he either coos, farts or I look over and stare at his chest until I see it rise and fall.

The reality of it is I think he would sleep better, Joel and I would sleep better and I don't think it will scar him for life to not sleep next to me. I think the first few nights would be hard for me. That seems so silly. His crib would literally be on the other side of our bedroom wall. I think I'll put a mattress on the floor in his room so I can sleep next to him for a night or two. Hopefully that will be enough to get me through the transition.

Merry Christmas Eve!

This year I have everything I've wanted. Christmas is more hectic, but so well worth it.

We woke up this morning and and told him it was Christmas (he's only 8 months he doesn't know the difference). We were all excited so he started to get excited. I turned the tree on and grabbed the camera, Joel brought Tesfa into the living room to see his toys. Santa brought him a playset with a slide and swing. Santa got it for a great deal on craigslist. He also got The 12 days of Christmas by Rachel Isadora. Its a great book- set in Africa. There were a few other toys and a childs picnic table (also and a craigslist steal!) too.

Did he care about his gifts? No, not really. He wanted to eat the paper and then settled on eating a shoe. No matter. He will see pictures one day of his first Christmas and hopefully he'll know how excited we are to spend it with him.

Apple of my eye

It's the can't live without you, crazy for you kinda love. Joel was leaving for work yesterday and Tesfa was "hugging" him. Joel nearly cried when he has to leave. He still makes me a little nuts sometimes and I imagine he always will for one reason or another. Soon he'll probably say the same about me.

He is doing amazingly well. He is drinking 32 oz of formula a day. That is what he is supposed to be having so I'm glad he is on target. He is wanting to pull himself up to standing but hasn't gotten there quite yet. Still no rolling over (from back to belly) or crawling. He is bright and cheery most of the time. He is learning to clap and said "mamamama" for the first time on thanksgiving. He doesn't know what it means but I'll take it anyway.

His grandmother is amazed by the fact that he will sit and play by himself for 30 minutes or more. She remarks at how sweet and well tempered he is. His cousins (at least the youngest 3) swoon over him. Thanks to grammy he has discovered the joys of puffs and now loves to feed himself.

He is around 20lbs and 50% for his weight.

Family

When we first found out about Tesfa we got a pretty complete history of his life, well as complete as it could be for IA. We had agreed to details of his life private until he was ready to tell his story. And for the most part we have stuck to that. We have, unfortunately, given small details to a few close family members/friends. In hindsight I wish we would not have done that. Because by giving them only a few details that opened the door to many more questions. Sometimes those questions were never asked but still people seem to have drawn their own answers. The reason I write this is so that if you are currently waiting for a referral or have one I would urge you to share no details, even to parents and closest family. Often parents, even after being told, don't realize how important it is to keep the smallest details to themselves. Eventually Tesfa will tell others his story but that should be up to him as to how much and when he tells it.

The other challenging part is asking your family to accept him like any other grandchild, niece/nephew, etc... but at the same time asking them to back off when it comes to holding and spoiling. For the most part this has went pretty well. We had some difficulties at first but it seems to be improving. My family is certain that I am "spoiling him" and "pushing it a little" when it comes to attachement. I worry that I am not holding him enough some days-I mean he does need time to play on the floor etc..., right?

Yesterday we went to see my parents a little over 2 hours from us. The car ride was LONG! Tesfa was not happy about being tied down to a car seat for that long. We had to stop 4-5 times so that didn't help. I let my dad hold T for a minute while I got a plate of food. And my mom held him a little later-after all it was her birthday and that was pretty much her gift! It was clear that Tesfa looked to Joel and I to make sure it was ok. So spoiled or not it is becoming clear that we are a family.